Playground

Second day of school holidays. I messaged my sister saying ‘your daughter asks lots of difficult questions!’ LG is really easy to look after but she has lots of questions that I’m too stupid to answer! For example yesterday she asked me whether it’s true that the world will end. I was like 😲😲😲. Today’s questions were a bit easier e.g. what do dinosaurs eat? (We were playing with a dinosaur play doh set that LG bought for Saitaoha). The funniest thing was when I couldn’t answer some of her questions, she would take pity on me and say ‘let’s check on the phone!’ Hahaha. Even kids know adults survive with Google.

Playdoh galore in the morning. Saitaoha loved it, she kept saying ‘play!! Mummy play!!’

Afterwards I brought them to our neighbourhood playground. Saitaoha was very happy that her jeje was on the swings with her, kept turning to smile at LG.

We didn’t stay at the playground for long because I was worried it was too hot.

This was probably Saitaoha’s favourite part of the day, cooking down with a popsicle after a fun time at the playground.

So cute these two.

Hehe you could tell Saitaoha was very pleased that LG was giving her a hug.

I’m trying to think of a special activity to keep them occupied everyday, tomorrow we might try baking cupcakes.

School holidays

I wish WordPress had stickers like Dayre because I need a confetti throwing 🎉 cat right now, Saitaoha has recovered! Her appetite is back to normal and all errr bodily functions are back to normal too. Hooray!

It’s school holidays so my mum is looking after LG during the day. It’s great for Saitaoha because she loves her jeje’s company. Here they are drawing together.

My sister baked a quiche which I had for brunch with a kopi, it had asparagus, onions and bacon, very delicious.

In return I made a lasagna which the kids and my parents will be having for lunch tomorrow.

Oh hai, anyone miss me? This one is getting demanding, insists on being carried and walked around, Mah Mah’s arms are breaking.

Hehe so cute together. I’m hoping to bring the kids to the playground tomorrow, all kids invited, Tspellstrouble want to come ?

Simple dinner tonight of ah Ma’s veg tomyum soup, honey pork with brocolli, 番茄炒蛋.

Hope the kid sleeps early tonight!

Oh what a day

This evening I asked R

Do you think it’s worse cleaning up poo or cleaning up vomit?

It was a legitimate question because that’s what we’ve been doing for the past few days! Saitaoha is over the vomiting phase but she now has diarrhoea. Poor girl had the runs at 3 in the morning and tried to tell her father who was snoring away (I was in the other room with Saitaomei). His kid radar is so low compared to mine, but he finally woke up at her cries and saw her crouched on her bed with her butt in the air. Too late for the potty so she had a bath at 4am. Luckily I was woken up by her crying so I could help with the poo cleanup.

We were so shagged by the continuous cleaning and bathing and changing that I contemplated staying home instead of heading into the city as planned. But I told myself ‘you must not chain yourself at home just because it’s hard to handle two kids outside.’ Famous last words. Saitaoha had a meltdown at the restaurant because she was tired (and probably not feeling well), Saitaomei was also cranky because she couldn’t sleep in the Tula. In the end I left R in the restaurant, strapped Saitaoha in the stroller and pushed the stroller up and down the street till both kids fell asleep. Returned to the restaurant and celebrated with an iced milk coffee (normally I never order drinks coz kiam). I finished all my lunch of pork chop broken rice because I was famished having missed breakfast with all the prep to go out. No pictures because this mummy was so hungry 😋.

Fed the little one in David Jones’s parents room. I managed to buy the one thing I headed out into the city for! Window shopping is a thing of the past, I now shop with a mission and am very decisive 😅.

Changed Saitaomei because she spit up on her pretty dress. Such a pity because I wanted to take twinning photos of the sisters.

Best shot of their twinning dress. Notice that Saitaoha has her hand possessively over the box of biscuits? She’s eating so poorly because of the illness, for a few days she was only drinking milk, honey and water. But tonight she had some salmon, corn and broccoli, I hope this is a good sign. She’s been drinking quite frequently too so at least she’s hydrated.

Combing my hair and probably frowning at the mess haha. I could get used to this hairdressing service.

So serious that face 😂.

She discovered that I was taking her picture and flashed me a smile 😍.

This little one is back in her grandparents’ loving care. I will miss her but I’m also relieved because it’s actually very difficult to juggle two kids when one is constantly having the runs.

I’m exhausted, couldn’t even muster the effort to cook a proper dinner. R had leftover noodles, I had cereal, only Saitaoha had a proper cooked meal.

Hopefully it won’t be too bad tonight and Saitaoha fully recovers soon 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻.

Purge

Both kids are napping so I had the luxury of sitting outdoors by myself.

I admired ah pa’s latest addition in the garden, I do like lavender plants, they smell so nice and are pretty to look at too.

It’s a beautiful day today in Perth. Glorious blue sky, the sun is out but there’s a lovely breeze. There are signs that winter is on its way, the nights are turning chilly, we’ve taken out the kids’ winter clothing and ah pa has rustled up the portable heater. When he came home from the shops and found out that Saitaoha was napping in the room, he immediately went to check whether the heater was on. ‘Good mummy, switched on heater’ he beamed at me. My ah pa ah…

A few weeks back, I carried a Saitaoha who was in the throes of a tantrum out of their house. A split second earlier ah pa was scolding her angrily. He almost never yells or scolds her so you can only imagine how bad Saitaoha’s meltdown was. Something in me snapped and I just dragged the kid out the door, much to my parents’ horror.

Many weeks later, through a heated conversation with ah ma, I realised that they thought I was angry with ah pa for scolding Saitaoha and therefore stormed out of the house. They couldn’t be further from the truth. I left because I didn’t want Saitaoha’s tantrum to upset them more, I hate seeing my parents get frustrated, tired or quibble because of my kids. It makes me feel so guilty because I feel that they should be enjoying their retirement pottering around the garden or sipping tea, not dealing with terrible two tantrums or two hourly feeds.

Ok I feel better now after this wordy purge. It’s so nice listening to birds chirping and the trees swaying in the wind. I only wish my brother was still here so he could enjoy thee afternoon breeze with me. The house is entirely too quiet without him.

Same cardigan, different babies.

Till we meet again

My body is failing me, last night I kept waking up partly from Saitaoha’s crying (poor kid is still unwell, vomiting has stopped but diarrhoea continues) and mostly from a very bad back pain. I have no idea where the back pain morphed from but I couldn’t help groaning out loud everytime I moved.

Saitaoha had a meltdown in the morning and cried herself to sleep. So we didn’t go for lunch with my brother and the rest of the family, but they dropped by with some dumplings for us ❤️. My brother msged me afterwards to ask whether Saitaoha would like to go to the playground. I know he was trying to spend as much time as possible with his nieces and nephew.

We all went to our neighbourhood playground which is a really nice one. My brother was teaching Tristan how to throw a boomerang. I wish he lived in Perth, we all impart different skills and knowledge to our kids, my brother has a great scientific mind and used to conduct lots of science experiments as a kid. I would love him to teach my kids about science, engines and machines, my little brain can’t wrap my head around mechanics like that.

Playing with Saitaoha and Tristan.

The kids had lots of fun but the day still felt very sad.

My brother admits that he’s partial towards Saitaomei, he loves babies and just finds her adorable. When we said our goodbyes tonight, he asked to hug Saitaomei one more time, kissed her forehead and said ‘I’m really going to miss this one’. By that time I was already 😭😭😭. They will be so big when he next sees them. He made me promise to send him lots of videos and photos of Saitaomei so he could see her growing up.

Ah pa and my brother sitting on the bench my brother bought for my parents. I think he likes the idea of them sitting on the front porch together, watching the grandkids play in the garden.

Goodbye my little brother, safe travels. I hope you come back to visit us soon, and perhaps one day stay forever. I hate the thought of you being lonely in the US, but I am comforted that you have your lovely wife with you, and your God too.

***

Today ah pa commented that Saitaoha is no longer close to him and seems to prefer my BIL. ‘Do you think it’s because she sees me carrying Saitaomei all the time?’ he asked worriedly. I didn’t know what to say but I felt sad that Saitaoha had inadvertently hurt my ah pa with her actions. Sometimes I wish little kids would never grow up, they are so innocent, sweet and affectionate when they are young. It’s when they’re older that their personalities roll in, tantrums and bickering occur, their needs and wants become more complex, they no longer need your help and want to assert their independence.

I’m thankful that I have this little one to stay my baby for a little while longer. My parents worry that she might suffer from second child syndrome and be the forgotten one. It’s true that we do a lot less with Saitaomei, but I don’t think it’s from lack of love, rather a lack of time. I do love you as much munchkin.

The second last day

I creep into my parents’ bedroom to borrow a phone charger. Ah pa is having an afternoon nap, he took the early morning shift with Saitaomei and is tired out.

Ah pa must have heard me reaching for the charger. Still asleep, he mutters ‘Jiu jiu (what Saitaoha calls her dummy)’ and holds out Saitaoha’s dummy. Then he says ‘Xiu Xiu’ and holds out Saitaoha’s bunny. He realises it’s not Saitaoha and thinks it’s my mum, with his eyes still closed, he says ‘put a blanket over Saitaomei’.

😭😭😭

***

Xiao long bao with the sick family. We’re all trying to make the best of it and brought my brother to eat yummy food during his last full day in Perth. But we’ve underestimated how poorly everyone feels, brother could hardly eat two strands of noodles. Saitaoha is cranky and doesn’t want to eat too. My sister declares that she’s really feeling unwell ‘normally I can eat five chai kueh, today I could only eat TWO’. We all giggle. I’m glad we can still laugh even though we all feel sad that my brother is leaving soon.

***

Baking with my brother, I baked the pandan chiffon cake, he baked the banana bread.

BIL has really mastered the cotton Japanese cheesecake, his cake is a masterpiece of fluffiness. My niece said ‘it’s like eating foam’.

Everyone votes for their favourite cake, my niece chooses the chiffon cake ‘good choice’ I beam at her. ‘Are you sure? Have you tried the yellow cheesecake?’ my brother asks. I shoot darts at him ‘what do you mean?!’ My brother doesn’t like his own bread ‘it’s edible’ he pronounces. But it’s R’s favourite!

I remember when my brother first went overseas for studies, I tried to teach him how to cook and he fell asleep halfway 😓. Now I’m baking with him. My little brother is all grown up. He is kind and considerate, thoughtful and dependable. He’s always been our golden boy and we are all immensely proud of him.

***

This picture of Saitaomei was taken by my brother. He really loves playing with her and finds her cute and funny. He has been taking many pictures of her and offers to carry her all the time.

Today I was carrying her while she was asleep, my brother looked at her face intently and said ‘she’s so precious’. For some reason, those words made me feel like crying. I miss my brother already.

Disaster!

Saitaoha and my family are down with a mystery stomach virus. I think Saitaoha has the worst of the virus, she vomited three times last night! It was a crazy night of bed sheet stripping, quick showers, puke cleaning and washing machine in overdrive. Poor R had to go to work straight after, Saitaoha finally stopped vomiting and fell asleep in my arms around 7.30 in the morning. We were so tired that we slept till almost 11!

She seemed so much better during the day, until ah Ma tried to feed her dinner and she vomited again. I gave her a bath and we trooped home.

Where she konked out on the sofa at 5pm. I didn’t have the heart to wake her even though I knew such a late nap means a very late night. She looked so tired with her shadows under her eyes. She vomited again after a few bites of food. Sigh, can’t stomach anything.

The rest of the family ain’t well too, poor brother and BIL have a low grade fever, sister and ah Ma have tummy troubles.

I was just commenting to my mother this morning that I feel like I haven’t talked to my brother at all. Even though we have spent time together during family gatherings, most of the time I’m too busy with the kids or cooking/cleaning. I think we’ve only had maybe two 15 minute conversations where it’s just us. Sigh, at this rate he will be gone and I’ll have to wait another year or two before I get the chance to chat with him again. It’s just impossible to spend quality time with anyone in my current state.

Today Saitaoha cuddled with me on the beanbag and we watched some videos together. I thought to myself that it’s been a while since I’ve just truly spent time with her. It feels like I’m always scolding or nagging her. Just going through the motions of being a robot mum, changing nappies, pumping, feeding, bath, cooking, pumping … I don’t stop to enjoy my children anymore and I feel like I can’t because I’m struggling to get through the day.

The worst part is I see my zombie shell like aura mirrored in my parents. Saitaomei isn’t the best sleeper and physically my parents seem to be tiring more easily. The lack of rest is making them grouchy and grumpy. This makes me feel even more awful. I have been thinking that I should put Saitaoha in full time childcare and take Saitaomei off their hands? But what happens when I go back to work ? Childcare for Saitaomei too? But what if she goes on a milk strike like Saitaoha did?

I really feel like a failure sometimes. The weight of responsibility is crushing. I don’t resent my responsibilities, but it kills me that I can’t do them well. 老的少的都顾不好, 太失败了.

Babysitting the kids

The day didn’t start out well. I think Saitaoha and I both got out from the wrong side of the bed because we were both so grouchy!

Saitaoha finally had her overdue haircut. The hairdresser bribed her with promises of a lollipop so she was an angel throughout the haircut.

Plans to cook dinner for the whole family were scrapped because they forgot about a Japanese degustation dinner tonight that they had booked for a while back.

So I had all the kids tonight and experienced what it’s like to have four kids ranging from 6 to 4.5 months haha. No lah it wasn’t too bad, I had help from HC earlier in the night, then R came over after his seminar ended.

The older kids played well together! No quarrelling, good sharing and lots of pretend play. Saitaoha tried to join in now and then and they tolerated her haha.

Eating ice lollies, the older kids were good and only ate half, guess who had the entire popsicle? The one stuffing her mouth in the picture 😅.

Hai…. too small to eat ice cream, life sucks as a baby.

So while most of the family were feasting on yummy Japanese delicacies, we had …

Chicken rice for dinner! I was always going to cook chicken rice for the family and decided to go ahead since the kids like chicken rice too. Also cooked ah ma’s homemade tofu and mushrooms. The two men, HC and R, and the kids cleared all the dishes!

Most 😓😓😓 moment of the evening:

LG: (comes running to me while I’m changing Saitaomei’s nappy) Daitaoha yee yee!! Saitaoha left chocolate handprints on Mah Mah’s sofa!!

I rush out to the living room, yep, my fault for leaving Saitaoha unsupervised with a chocolate biscuit, there were two very visible small handprints on the sofa! Grrrr…. I stripped off the covers and washed them.

Couldn’t help laughing when LG told me solemnly ‘This is very serious!! I think you’d better not give Saitaoha chocolate biscuits till she’s older’.

I sent R home with Saitaoha close to her bedtime and stayed at ah ma’s with LG and Saitaomei. LG and I had lots of fun chatting and laughing at Peppa pig cartoons. My niece is so grown up now, I felt sad that I haven’t had much time to spend with her ever since the arrival of my kids. Even though it was a bit tiring, I am glad I could babysit the kids because it meant a well deserved night out for my parents and sisters and I managed to have a lovely bonding session with my niece and nephew too ❤️.

Ah pa in jeans 👖

Mummy and Saitaoha having the same breakfast of cereal and milk. We both had a good night, I had a deep sleep because Saitaomei was with my parents 😬.

Brother and ah pa came over in the morning to clean up my backyard, how nice. I think ah pa is really happy doing all these manly jobs with my brother, sigh I feel sad when I think of him leaving in a few days. I’m not so secretly wishing that he and my sil will consider moving to Perth in the near future.

We had a nice day today. The whole family trooped off to the shops for some shopping and lunch. My niece joined us because she wasn’t well so had the day off from school. Saitaoha was so pleased to have her company. She started acting up in the shopping centre though because she was overdue a nap. We went straight home afterwards where she had a two hour nap! I was a bit stressed because I wanted to go over to ah Ma’s early to prep dinner.

Luckily dinner was still cooked in time. I made nasi lemak with chicken curry, our special addition was turmeric fried fish that my brother, HC and ah pa caught during the weekend. The fish was 😋. Everyone seemed to enjoy dinner which made me feel happy.

The kids played well together and even had a mini concert which I missed because I was washing up in the kitchen.

Saitaomei had her own mini concert too. Only it was my brother serenading her, lucky girl.

Afterwards when I was giving Saitaoha a bath, ah Ma came to the bathroom collapsed in laughter. She giggled helplessly and said ‘quick, Daitaoha, quick, go and look at ah pa!!’

I went out and saw this.

Wah! Ah pa in jeans!! I’ve never seen ah pa in jeans, he’s more of an ah pek pants formal sort of guy. I think ah Ma hasn’t seen him in jeans since their early twenties days so she found it hilarious. It was even funnier when my brother taught ah pa to hook his thumbs in his pockets for that classic pose. We all burst into fits of laughter, hahahaha I’m glad I have such a funny family.

Holiday or not ?

Oh dear the weekend is almost over and yet I can’t recall what I did. I think it was mostly caught up with juggling two kids at night and feeling tired during the day.

It also felt like we were constantly hanging around waiting for my brother to return from his activities. He is the most sought after person and really the golden child in the family. Sometimes I feel bad for him because it must feel like you’re being pulled in all directions. I’m hoping he’s not noticing the underlying tension, he can be pretty blur sometimes haha.

Looked through my photo stream and it looks like I didn’t take any photos all weekend except for badly angled photos of Saitaomei sleeping.

Like this one ☝️ she’s so cute when she’s sleeping 😌. Ok lah quite cute when she’s not sleeping too. My brother was marvelling her peaceful sleeping expression and peering at her face saying ‘look at that! So nice to be a baby!’ When suddenly Saitaomei opened one eye and looked straight at him! Never seen anyone retreat so fast 😂.

Ah ma’s lek tau suan for supper, I had it two days running, so delicious.

Only papa can do this, I think my arms would break if I had to carry both.

I don’t know whether I should go back to Kuching/Singapore when my parents return late May. Part of me thinks I should make the most of my maternity leave to go home, but the other part of me is thinking I should let my parents have a real holiday without the kids. How ah?