Month of May

My girls ready to party on Saturday. They were delighted waiting for their best friend’s mum to pick them up, as I took this picture of them, I thought to myself ‘when did they get so long and lean?’ They’re definitely out of the cute little girls phase now 😔, there will come a day when I’m no longer their favourite person to hang out with, I don’t look forward to that day.

Then there will come a day when I hopefully because their favourite people to hang out with again! Just like how I love hanging out with my parents. While the girls were out partying, we went for a spot of shopping where Ah pa scored some new shoes and then we had an Aussie brunch at a friend’s cafe. Ah ma and I then headed off to grocery shop and we had a nice couple of hours gossiping and chatting.

Another memorable meal at our Korean friend’s house, we spent so many hours there that lunch turned into dinner 😆. They are such gracious hosts and I wish I could return the favour but my house is just so not host friendly sigh.

R bought me a pair of in-line skates so I’m going to hand to learn how to skate pretty soon! It’s a pity our weekends are so packed, going for an activity means skipping out on lessons, or lunch bento making time. I wish weekends were longer! A three day weekend would be perfect right ?

These oodies used to dwarf them, now I’m looking at Saitaoha and thinking how come it’s so short ? Do I have to get her an adult oodie soon?

Dinner at my sister’s followed by dessert of Super Ring 😂, only fellow Malaysians would understand the cheesy fingers as a result of Super Ring. Speaking of Malaysia, we’ve booked our holiday to Malaysia in July, we will be spending some time in KL and Genting, a place I haven’t been for decades, I wonder whether we will enjoy it? I think we will, we always have fun when we are together, whether it’s going to the park or travelling overseas together. July feels far away but I’m counting down already.

Hello stranger

Wow I didn’t realise that I haven’t updated my WordPress for months! I think this is because I’ve been writing in my journal and every now and then Dayre so it feels silly to be writing entries so many times.

Found this in my photo gallery last night, my silly girl took over my phone and took a series of selfies. This photo is very Saitaomei, cheerful, funny and full of beans.

And this photo is very Saitaoha, quiet and sensitive.

A rare night out when my parents were cajoled by their grandchildren to go for a coffee at night ! I hope they enjoyed their icecream and a night out. I love impromptu outings like these that bring us so much joy.

Girls finally made it to the office with me after a bout of illnesses. I think they really enjoyed the day in the office, Saitaomei was so disappointed when I told her we weren’t going back the next day.

Our Easter staycation in the city, I think the kids had fun but it was marred by my sickness. I am so sick of being sick.

They want to be artists when they grow up. I may be biased but I do love their artwork!

So much fun when the cousins are together. Their swimming has improved a lot.

My indulgent parents who bought this expensive jungle gym set for their grandchildren. I hope they love it for many years to come.

I think this was a visit to papa’s dental clinic!

After what felt like a long day at work, I wasn’t keen to meet up with my ex best work friends for drinks after work. But I dragged myself along because these are some of my favourite people outside of my family. As we were laughing and talking about the anecdotes of our heaven and hell days of working together, I was glad that I decided to go after all. It’s a reminder that no matter how tiring work is, it will never be those hellish days again. Also a reminder that I have really really good people around me, and there’s so much to life besides work. I am lucky and blessed beyond words.

Flying weekends

The three girl cousins. May they continue to be close and grow up together happily.

My brother made up pizzas for Sunday dinner. They were very good! It’s nice to see that he has an interest in cooking and baking, a man after my own heart haha. The weekends are flying by too quickly, sigh can’t believe they will be flying off again soon.

This little sweetie has captured everyone’s heart, he is such a sweetheart, chill, calm and curious baby. He has the loveliest smile, sigh I wish they lived nearer so we could see them more often.

I don’t even have much pictures of him because most of the time I’m focusing on talking or playing with him. Which is the way it should be I guess. I wonder whether we will see more of him when he grows up, sigh I’m not sure about that. They really should introduce travel machines that travel at the speed of light by now.

It’s week 3 in the new role. I can’t wait to start feeling more comfortable and familiar in this portfolio, I don’t think it will take very long, but in the meantime it’s not fun not being in the know.

Meetings after meetings this week. The introvert in me is sighing and already looking forward to the next weekend! I wish I was more of an extrovert and could feed off the energy of others.

Perth’s weather is driving us mad as well, heatwave after heatwave. I don’t think we suffer as much since we’re in the office most of the time, but I feel so bad for my parents and the kids during school pick ups and drop offs.

Somehow it feels like this year may go by very quickly.

First week

First week down, how many more to go? Hopefully the rest of the year will fly by just like this first week. It’s nice to be busy but not crazy hectic, it’s fun to be challenged and stimulated and to try to find solutions to problems. It’s fun to be learning new things and broadening my horizon. So overall it was a great first week at work! Of course I am looking forward to the day when I’m no longer ‘learning’ and can become the teacher , feels like that might be quite some time away sigh.

But it’s a good team, lovely team members, and I’m also grateful to have great leaders and mentors.

School holidays are almost over! I think the girls had an eventful one with the highlight being our Singapore trip and their Malaysian one. It also feels really long ago now, not sure when we will can go for another holiday again 😭

Baby Theo is coming tomorrow!! I hope he loves us, I know we already love him.

My big girls who already help with housework and spring cleaning. It’s nice that we get to spend Chinese new year together as a family.

New Year’s Eve 2023

I’ve been thinking about what to write for my final 2023 post. Many times I think about feelings, emotions and thoughts that I want to chronicle and capture, but WordPress is a bit of a hassle, Dayre is too public a platform, and I end up losing my thoughts.

It’s been a challenging year of ups and downs. This is why I’ve kept this blog for so many years, because reading my past posts helps me to reflect on my past and allows me to be honest with myself.

It was probably inevitable that we would end 2023 with a family bout of Covid. R and Saitaoha caught it for the first time, thankfully the symptoms are not extreme but I am still keeping a close watch on a feverish Saitaoha. Saitaomei has finally tested negative and has been full of beans throughout the whole illness. But it is not how I wanted our last days of holiday to end, housebound and miserable.

I’ve been thinking a lot about why I’m so grumpy and miserable about this year. Having looked back at my 2023 posts, I definitely had lots of great staycations, we even went for three holidays, Melbourne, Adelaide and Singapore. I think I stayed true to my 2023 motto of ‘work hard and play hard’.

Work was perhaps the most volatile and disappointing through happenings that were out of anyone’s control. I will jot it down to bad luck, bad timing and incompetence within the sector. Too bad my friends and I were pulled into this whole farce. It has knocked my confidence in myself which wasn’t already high, I feel like I’m suffering from imposter syndrome and constantly waiting for someone to catch me out. I really don’t know what 2024 will bring, it is all up in the air and all up to me I guess, I need to grit my teeth and give it all. I just hope that I have the courage and tenacity to hold on, most importantly, I would like to reignite my passion at work and find my beings again.

What has been bugging me is my general sense of negativity, have I always been a negative person and was unaware, or have I developed this negative mindset due to recent circumstances ? 2023 was great at some points, but was overall a pretty bad year, especially health wise for the family and myself, and also with the passing of my dear friend, the horrendous sale of our family home and the death of my past four years of work.

I think the best part of 2023 was being able to have more time with the kids, to go on holidays and to plan for holidays and special activities like staycations and birthday parties. I was also able to spend more time with Saitaoha on her schoolwork, something that I’ve neglected over the past few years.

For 2024, I really want to work on building my confidence and my positivity. I don’t want to be a negative Nelly and someone who is living life worrying about the next bad thing around the corner , I want to learn to deal with my anxiety about work, kids and especially my parents. I feel like this is something that has really sky rocketed this year, I am always living in a state of fear and anxiety about my parents and I don’t know how to rein it in.

This deep sense of self loathing is also something I need to work on in 2024. How I’m going to get out of this slump, I don’t quite know, but I really need a kick in the guts. As it is, I really don’t feel like talking to anyone, meeting friends or family at the moment, most of the time when people ask me out, I’m thinking hard for an excuse not to go. When will I want to meet people again I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ .

Sigh it really went downhill for 2023 didn’t it? Truly praying for a better 2024 and a much more positive outlook and mindset in the new year.

School hols + 1 Yr performance review

The start of the July school holidays! Except I didn’t take any time off 😓 because I actually don’t have much leave since I only started the new job less than a year ago. Gone are the days of ample leave which I couldn’t take because work was so busy.

The girls have already had a good start with princess activity at the shopping mall over the weekend and the first day of fun galore with their doting yee yee and Tristan.

Frustratingly, we are still not over our lingering bugs and R has now caught the bug. He was the last man standing in the family but succumbed to this horrendous never ending bug. Sigh when will we ever fully recover ?!

I had my year end performance review , my first in maybe a decade ? I was chuffed to receive excellent feedback on my performance, my boss obviously put a lot of thought into it and was very kind and generous with her evaluation. She had obviously put a lot of thought into it and into my future career development. It’s been a while since I’ve had a boss that cares about my career development and is keen to support and my journey. I feel really blessed and lucky 🍀!

A new addition !

It’s the end of the Easter holidays sigh. Feels like it just flew by, I didn’t even get to spend much time with the kids because I didn’t take any time off work. The kids are excited about going back to school though so that’s a good sign.

The tiniest watermelon

Saitaomei is the 开心果 in the family, sometimes when I’m supposed to be telling her off for something naughty she did, I end up struggling to hide a grin or laugh instead. She’s just so funny and cheeky that I can’t help but laugh. Sigh sad that my baby chipmunk is growing up.

Whereas this cool and calm Saitaoha is showing more 大姐风 lately. I think she’s growing in confidence which can only be a good thing. We’ve been exercising together a lot and it’s something that I now enjoy doing together with her. Today she requested that we have a kids yoga session so we had an ommmm session together.

We celebrated Jo’s birthday the way we know best, by eating ! I hope her birthday brings her good health and happiness. It makes me so worried that my sisters aren’t in the pink of health and my parents have all these ailments too. Sigh signs of growing old, it brings me so much fear and I am really worried about the family’s general health. I think we don’t have healthy lifestyles and habits and it’s going to take a lot for us to change, but we really have to !

I am so happy with the arrival of my nephew!! It’s been a while since we’ve had a new addition to the family, Saitaomei declared that she’s no longer the baby of tbt family but she’s still the baby in Australia haha. So thrilled for my brother and sister in law, they are such deserving parents and everyone should have the joy of having a child. Yes raising a child is not easy and there are lots of sacrifices involved, but I feel the joy that a child brings to a family outweighs all the stress and hard work.

The baby is sooo cute 🥰 I am utterly in love and wish he was here so I could give him cuddles. I hope my brother sends us lots of photos, he doesn’t seem to be good at doing that though 🙄.

The end of the Easter hols signals the start of a busy period at work and a busy school term for the girls. I think the rest of the year will be jam packed for us but I’m determined that we will work hard and also play hard at the same time! I’m going to find the joy in working hard and also the reward in overcoming challenges and achieving milestones both in work and in life ☺️.

March madness

Disaster zone of my ripped out bathroom. But this is actually a good sign because it means we are finally renovating the bathroom which is my most hated room in the house! I’ve been putting it off for years because I kept thinking this is not my final home, I was reluctant to put money into renovating something I won’t be staying in for long. But I think it finally clicked in this year that our dream home is at least a few years away, and I want us to have a better quality of life. Plus an upgrade also means the house will be more rentable in the future, so why not ?

I also realised that those house is special to my husband, I think because it was his first home purchase, so he loves it and thinks its architecture is sound. I don’t think he would ever sell it. I do have a special place for my first home too, but I think I would sell it in a heartbeat if the price was really good. My favourite home is where my parents live, I think because it feels like a real home to me, I love cooking in my mum’s big kitchen ahd the outdoor kitchen, I love wandering around my dad’s garden, and I just like sitting around their table!

We’ve had to move in to my mum’s place while our bathroom reno is going on. This evening I was in the bedroom and I could hear the sound of my kids laughing and chatting with my parents in the backyard. It was the best sound and I thought ‘home is where the heart is’ and my heart is with my family.

Every year my Ah pa buys a huge load of grapes from my friend’s grape farm and gifts them to friends and family. He gave us such a huge discount we don’t dare to return anymore! I’m so grateful that we’ve stayed friends all this time and are in each other’s lives.

Mummy I’m a superstar in my class again! This little girl loves going to school and her teacher seems to think she’s a superstar too.

Saitaoha attended her best friend’s birthday party, she was shy and afraid at first but thankfully warmed up in the end. My poor girl is an introvert like I am! I hope she will grow in confidence this year.

Another yummy TGIF dinner with the family! I’m beginning to love our Friday dinners, it’s such a fun and delicious way to welcome the weekend haha.

March is going to be a month of whirlwind activity, I hope we have lots of fun and everything goes well!

Procrastinator

I’m such a terrible procrastinator, sometimes I annoy myself so much. I have been sleeping too late, sleeping in too long, lazing about too much, working too little. I feel like I’m in a slump and I’m not sure how to get my mojo back.

I’m glad R and I made it to watch Saitaomei receive her first merit award at school. She was so delighted and happy it really warmed my heart. I hope this is the first of many of merit awards during her school years, but even if she doesn’t get awards, I’m happy as long as she continues to love school and learn lots.

Bringing the kids to the playground during the weekend was a way to get back into our normal routine.

I’ve even been too lazy to cook much! This weekend I totally slacked off and we ended up having Kuching food for Sunday dinner.

I have to say having kolo mee for dinner was a great idea and very comforting.

But I really do get off my lazy bum and stop procrastinating! Let’s hope next week I can report back to say that I’ve actually been productive and knocked off some items from my long to-do list 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

The big 4-0

I’ve been dreading turning 40 for the past few years. I didn’t feel ready for my 40s, I felt, still feel, very young, ignorant and naive! I still remember the day that I turned 30, all the older ladies at work told me the 30s would be fabulous and to enjoy it. I remember back then 30 felt very old to me and I was worried that I hadn’t accomplished anything. It was the year I got married, I became a senior public servant and what has happened in the past decade?

They happened. My parents moved to Perth, my sisters joined me. My nephew and niece were born. Our family grew and my roots grew deeper in Australia.

Because my children are Australians, my 40s might be about letting go off my home country and spreading roots in Australia even more. It’s perhaps a sign that the first month of 2023 was spent packing away my childhood in boxes and letting go off my family home in Kuching.

I think my 40s will also be about my next stage of my career. Whether I will reach career highs or lows remains to be seen, but it feels like there are lots of opportunities out there, I just need to have the confidence to grasp on to them and ride the wave.

My birthday was spent with my loved ones, and I mean the ones I love the most.

It was spent with the little star who shares my birthday. She is a bright light as are all the little ones in our family.

I received beautiful, thoughtful cards and presents.

I was told I’m the best mummy, which is not true, but I’ll take it on my birthday. I am so lucky to be loved and cherished by them.

I mean the world to someone. And I have many people who mean the world to me and that I love and cherish.

I don’t think life can get better than that. Having people who love you and people that you love whole heartedly.

In my 40s, I want to grow to love myself more, I want to improve my health, my happiness and my confidence. I would like to be comfortable in my own skin, to know that I have the ability, strength and capability to protect and take care of my family and my loved ones. I know that in order to build up my capacity to take care of others, I first have to take care of myself. So I really want to regain my willpower to better myself. I pray and hope my 40s will be even better, brighter and blessed than my 20s and 30s.