Archive for the 'Daitaoha is Emo' Category

Tough times

R was told by his boss today that their workplace will be closed indefinitely from the start of next week. His hours had been cut drastically prior to this announcement and to be honest, business was dwindling even with reduced hours. Government has put restrictions on the supply of their services, and no one is really leaving their house except for essentials, so their company has been hard hit. Whilst this was to be expected in light of COVID-19, what irks me the most is the fact that R will not be entitled to any Government support. Like all rushed policies and legislation, there are loopholes where people fall through the gaps, unfortunately, R will  falls within the cracks.

It is frustrating that the hard workers, the investors, the middle-upper middle class are the ones that don’t get any support in times of need, and yet when the country is out of this rut, the very same class of workers are the ones that will bear the brunt of the recovery. R is the most responsible and reliable (to a fault in fact) worker I know, he doesn’t spend much and throws any savings into our mortgage repayments and the like. This is the reason why despite all the COVID implications, I believe we are well placed to weather the storm. But it feels so unfair that dole bludgers get more dole, yet responsible workers get no help when they’re out of a job. Sigh.

Ranting aside, I know I should be thankful that I still have a job. Who knew that I would one day be the sole breadwinner of the family?

I’m praying and wishing that R will keep positive during this tough time. He’s such a workaholic and puts so much of himself in his work that I fear he will be lost and depressed for some time. This is when family comes in and props him up . I hope the kids and I will be a source of positivity for him.

Oh for the sun to shine again …

Big people don’t cry

Saitaoha: Mummy why are you crying?

Me: Mummy’s mah mah passed away.

Saitaoha: Is it my mah mah died? 😢

Me: No, not your mah mah, mummy’s mah mah.

Saitaoha: Mummy, big people don’t cry.

Me: Ok, give me a hug.

Saitaoha: Mummy is it you cry because your mah mah died ?

Me: Yes.

Saitaoha: How did she die? Is it like Elsa? Is it she is in bed?

Me: Yes. She closed her eyes and went to sleep.

Saitaoha: Is she better now?

Me: Yes. She is better now.

A rant

The problem with working from home is your home is now your workplace, to me that means I can never clock off work, hence my sending off of a briefing note at 10.30pm! Luckily the girls were good tonight and happy to stay by my side, play with each other, watch videos and eat snacks.

R still isn’t well which is terribly worrying. I’ve never seen him take that long to throw off a cold or flu, but then I also feel like throttling him when I think of him never resting when he should, painting the kids cubby house when the wind was howling, and just generally dismissive of his own illness. He’s so stubborn and freaking set in his principles and beliefs that I feel like nothing but a giant wake up call will shake him up. But I don’t want that wake up call to be Covid-19 or a life threatening illness!

When this is all over, and I pray that this nightmare is over soon, I will find the right time to talk to him properly and point out that as a son, husband and most importantly, a father, sometimes you have to put others over yourself. It’s not just about you being sick, it means the kids get sick, your parents, my parents get sick, and they are way more vulnerable compared to your ‘I can will myself out of this illness’ self. You have responsibilities now that are beyond just you, don’t regret this nonchalant attitude when it’s all too late.

Gosh I can’t wait for life to get back to normal. It’s only been a couple of weeks or not even that at best, but I’m already mourning our past life. I’ve never been much of a social butterfly, but I mostly miss bringing the kids out, I wish the girls could go to school, which truly is the best environment for them to thrive and grow. I wish I didn’t worry every time R coughs, I wish I didn’t feel like I’m endangering my parents every time I step into their house or entrust the kids to them. I miss going for walks with my sister during lunch hours. I miss the interaction at work, I think I get more work done at home beside there is a lot less chit chat, but the chit chat and camaraderie also forms the best policies and ideas.

And there’s more months of this to go? At the end of the day I will do whatever it takes to keep the family safe and healthy, but I really feel tired and sad about 2020 and the world that we have become.

Working from home for good

Tomorrow I have officially declared myself to be working from home for good until told otherwise. The organisation’s communication is a bit stuffed up, in their eagerness to keep everyone informed, they forgot that whilst everyone is worried about what happens when they get Covid, the majority are more concerned about what they can do to NOT get Covid. During time did crises, organisations need to step up to be more flexible and adapt. Unfortunately my sector has always been notoriously bad at that and it’s really telling right now.

I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure and stress about going to work. Everyday it’s like an internal debate, go in or don’t go in. Take the risk or don’t take the risk. Be responsible to work or be responsible to family? At the end of the day, I think by working from home I can be responsible to both.

The weeks and months to come will be interesting and very challenging. I feel like we’re going to war with an unknown enemy. We are so ill equipped and yet I am strangely comforted that at least I’m with my family and my loved ones. We will back each other up and support each other during this time of need. I know it and I trust that we will survive this.

The world goes on

Ah ma says the above are the same photo which is true. But it’s also true that Perth has always been a quiet and isolated city even before Covid 19 and social distancing.

Covid 19 has been so disruptive, I can imagine those with anxiety issues must be suffering greatly from the fear and upheaval this uncertain time has brought. R has a bad cold and has been off work for most of the week, very unusual for him but I’m mostly glad he’s home and resting. I felt myself going downhill mid week and worked from home from Thursday. I’m feeling mostly fine but it’s the onslaught of a mild virus and I know I will be very unwelcome in this current climate.

Bak kut teh, minced pork patties, Peking pork fillet, stir fried sweet potato leaves and mixed veg.

It was nice working from home and spending time with the kids and husband. I realised that it’s been a long time since I’ve sat down to have dinner with them. Work has been so busy that dinner consisted of heating up a couple of dishes for R, a quick shake for me and running household chores until bedtime. We have even been missing our frequent evening supermarket trips because I just come home too late.

I forgot how nice it is to teach Saitaoha how to count and write. To read books to the girls. To watch Gogglebox and news with the husband. I even managed to get some work down in between and had a teleconference locked in my bedroom in case the kids barged in.

My parents bought a playground set for the kids which came just in time because this whole social distancing thing means no playgrounds or much outdoor activities for them.

So far they aren’t too fussed or aware of Covid 19 except Saitaoha is missing school and her friends and her cousins. I’m thinking she should go back but the risk to my parents who have to fetch her back and forth, I’m not sure I can risk it ?

Everyday Saitaoha asks me ‘mummy after wake up what’s next? After breakfast what’s next? After play what’s next? After nap what’s next?’

She is missing her cousins badly and asks me everyday whether LG or Tristan are coming. I let her video call Tristan but she cried when her yee yee said they couldn’t come over 😭. I felt my heart ache for her and truly hated the whole virus and the world we live in at the moment.

Ok enough writing, I have to bring the kids out for a walk before they perish from boredom.

The crazy world we live in

What a crazy 2020 it’s been. Whole of Australia burning. Coronavirus. The world had been whipped up into a frenzy, everyone is on edge and it feels like it takes nothing to push us into panic mode. I felt this end of the world-apocalypse community fear when we were heading home after CNY at the airport. People not really talking, everyone covered with masks, no smiles, no eye contact. It felt a scene from the movies and we are the main actors in the apocalypse movie right now.

Going to the supermarket is a revelation of how crazy people can get when fear grips you. Women with easily 40 tins of baked beans and spaghetti and piled high trolleys strolled past me. She’s going to get sick of baked beans pretty soon, I think to myself.

Most of all, I worry for the elderly, the young and the sick. They are the most vulnerable at times like these. I just hope they come out unscathed. I hope my kids won’t remember this time of fear when they grow up.

Mummy stop taking photos!

Silver lining

It’s been a long week, Saitaomei being sick, Saitaoha starting her first full week in kindy and us adults returning to work after the holidays.

I was glad that R and I were both available to accompany Saitaoha for her school’s 10th anniversary celebration. They had bouncy castles and water slides in the morning, how fun! I’ve been worried about Saitaoha because she hasn’t been eating, peeing or drinking water at school! Her lunch boxes and water bottles come back untouched, I think it’s the case is being unfamiliar about eating lunch at school and also shy about asking her teachers for help. Well, I mentioned it to her teacher yesterday so hopefully they will look out for her and she will slowly adapt. She also told us that there’s a boy that hits her, I haven’t noticed any marks yet, but also mentioned it to her teacher and told Saitaoha she has to tell her teacher straightaway if it happens again. I put it down to boys being boys and thinking it’s all play, but still, I need to protect my child and also teach her to protect herself.

Whilst I was admonishing Saitaoha for not eating her lunch, I said ‘you have to learn to eat your lunch yourself Saitaoha, you’re not a kid anymore!’ She wouldn’t haven’t any of my nonsense and exclaimed tearfully ‘but I want to still be a kid!’ R and I exchanged wry grins and I was put to shame immediately. I must remember that being the older kid in the family doesn’t mean Saitaoha is less of a kid and doesn’t require the same amount of nurturing and care. It’s so unfair of me to expect her to be the grown up when she’s still a mere child, I keep expecting so much from her and it’s just wrong.

My child will be turning 4 in two weeks and I plan to celebrate her thoroughly and spoil her to bits.

This now skinny little thing is finally on the mend! Her appetite is slowly returning and I’m hoping her cheerful nature too. She’s become short tempered, sensitive and clingy since the holiday, I think it’s the aftermath of the separation anxiety of the holiday plus a mixture of illness and terrible twos. I miss her smiles and laughter which we see less of these days. But I see glimpses of it so I hope the rest of the year goes better for her.

The work week was a lot better than I anticipated it to be. The team dynamics have changed so much and we truly feel like a team now which is so essential considering the challenging nature of our task ahead. I feel more optimistic after this week and whatever happens, I finally feel we will get through it together as a team.

Yesterday felt like a breather for the first time this week. Saitaomei stopped her fevers and hourly bouts of diarrhoea, she was happy when we brought her out for a supermarket run, it felt normal for a change.

I felt good cooking dinner for the family. Saitaoha asked ‘mummy why is there a MOUNTAIN of vegetables? Why is it like a mountain?’ She proceeded to help demolish the mountain and it became more of a hill, that’s what happens when you don’t eat lunch at school, you make up for it during dinner. After self feeding herself dinner she asked me ‘are you happy now?’ This Saitaoha is always eager to please and likes making others happy, she reminds me of myself and I can’t say it doesn’t worry me.

It was a good understated Valentine’s Day with not much fanfare.

We will be going out to celebrate Valentines’s tonight though! R surprised me a couple of weeks back by telling me he had booked our favourite restaurant for dinner and asked whether my parents could look after the kid that night. We are looking forward to a date night and some good food and wine.

The silver lining behind the clouds is finally shining and god I’m glad it’s arrived.

May 2020