Archive for the 'Daitaoha is Emo' Category

Woo hoo

I’m on the bus on the way back to work after my neurosurgeon appointment. The doctor told me that my MRI scans should that my disc protrusions have ‘spontaneously regressed’ and I’m pretty much completely recovered!!

Woo hoo, no need for back surgery and no need for future appointments. I’m so relieved and thankful that this dark and bleak period of my life is over!!

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Are you happy or sad or angry?

Lately Saitaoha has been getting into the habit of asking us whether we are happy or sad to gauge our mood. At first it was quite funny and very effective in getting us to stop being angry (when she knows she’s in trouble) but now she’s repeating it so much that I’m started to get worried that we are horrible parents that are always getting angry at her, hence her need to keep gauging our moods.

It usually goes like this:

Saitaoha does something naughty like refusing to nap or not sharing with mei mei.

Saitaoha: Mummy, are you happy or sad or angry?

Mummy: I am sad because you didn’t share with mei mei.

Saitaoha: Mummy can you be happy please? Pleease…. mummy, can you say it’s ok??

Mummy: (looks at her pleading eyes) ok ok I’m happy.

Sometimes the tables are turned and she comes running to us

Saitaoha: Mummy mummy ! Can you ask me whether I’m happy or sad ??

Mummy: Er ok, are you happy or sad?

Saitaoha: I am sad because mei mei took my biscuit!

Today I spent the whole day working on my laptop, only stopping to feed and bathe the kids, plus read them storybooks and play a little.

Saitaoha: Mummy can you ask me whether I’m happy or sad?

Mummy: Saitaoha, are you happy or sad?

Saitaoha: I am sad because mummy is too busy to play with me.

(Cue my heart shattering into a million pieces)

Mummy: I am sorry Saitaoha, mummy needs to work but I will play with you in a little while ok?

Saitaoha: ok mummy! Mummy are you happy or sad or angry?

Mummy: Mummy is sad because mummy has to work and can’t play with you and mei mei.

Saitaoha: Don’t worry Mummy, you can play with Saitaoha and mei mei later. Don’t be sad mummy, you can be happy later ok?

****

It’s absolutely humbling to have your daughter to remind you everyday not to be sad and angry , and that you can be happy later.

Down in the dumps

It’s been a pretty lousy week. Both kids are sick with Saitaomei having the worst of it. I always spiral into this black hole when the kids are unwell, maybe it’s the lack of sleep, or the incessant crying, or feeling like a failure of a mother for being unable to protect or soothe my children, whatever it is, it makes me feel terrible and I just shut down from the world.

It doesn’t help that work is stressful and so emotionally charged. I love being back in the space where I’m invested and passionate about the cause, the only difference is I am unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel and beginning to doubt my own capabilities.

So yep, all round a failure. Sigh.

Last night despite Saitaomei trashing around in agony and wailing most of the night, we still managed a couple of hours of sleep. But I had the most horrible nightmare that Saitaomei died in a plane crash. The overwhelming grief was too much to bear that I woke up feeling numb. This flu season has been hard on the kids and the newspaper screaming the latest flu death toll is scaring the hell out of me. Yet I know she’s not at the stage where we should be sending her to the doctor’s or hospital, but am I being a bad mother if I don’t ?

So I’m sneaking out of the house at 7am to put in a full day at work when I should really be looking after the kids. And then at night I’ll have to rush to the hospital for my dreaded mri scan. Is this worth it you think?

Oh gosh I hope things take a turn for the better soon.

4am grumbles

4am with a sick and very cranky, irritable Saitaomei. I’m kinda resigned to the fact that I won’t be able to make it to work tomorrow. It’s school holidays so my parents will have the full set of grandkids with them. I can’t lump them with my very clingy, feverish and upset mei mei, it will be too much to handle. She caught her cold from Saitaoha but whilst jeje recovered very quickly, mei mei’s cold seems a lot worse and she’s really feeling it.

Sigh this is not the best time to be away from work and I have a full day workshop that I’m running on Tuesday too. Never mind, the kids come first.

I am supposed to start on a health kick but at times like these I really want to binge on junk food.

Breakdancing Eskimo?

Despite the lack of sleep and sick kids, we still had a nice weekend.

Please recover quickly babies.

Flu shot

3.50am. Reminder to self : Get the kids their flu shots as soon as possible every year !!!

I already severely regretted it when the kids missed their second round of flu shot when we had to fly back to Malaysia last year. I swore I would get them their shots this year but just when we were going to get it, Saitaoha caught the HFMD. Now poor mei mei has been running a high fever for two days straight and I fear it’s the flu.

I might bring her to the doctor’s tomorrow if this fever persists but it’s not like they can do anything because she can hardly take any meds except for ibuprofens/paracetamol at her age. Just have to keep monitoring her and pray the symptoms don’t get worse.

Arrrhh why didn’t I get them their flu shot earlier?! They might not avoid the flu even with the shot but I want to think that at least I armed their vulnerable selves with any vaccine possible. I’m so fedup with myself, why do I procrastinate year after year?

Children just shouldn’t have to get sick ever. It’s so heartbreaking 😭.

Lousy mum

Feeling miserable because it’s 12.50am and Saitaomei is running a high fever.

She’s been hot all day and I suspected she might be feverish but why didn’t I take her temperature?! She was also off food today but I was distracted by her HFMD sister and she still seemed relatively happy so I put it down to teething.

Dosed her with nurofen and she’s gone back to sleep. Hopefully her fever will go soon and both kids are back to good health again.

Sigh.

Missing you all already

Farewell my funny, dependable, all round fantastic little brother! Hope that trip back goes quick and smoothly and we get to see you very soon.

Goodbye Saitaoha’s lovely Aunty Peggy, she formed a great friendship with our beautiful sister in law this Easter holiday and it’s not hard to see why, Peggy is gorgeous in and out.

This video is so funny because Saitaomei does a BBC child interrupted move halfway haha.

My heart aches for my parents that their only son is leaving yet again. US is really so far away it feels. Ah pa will miss his fellow music lover and ping pong player.

I’m close to ah pa, but there are gaps that I don’t think any of us girls can fill for my brother. I’ve listened to these songs played by my father since my childhood, they are familiar tunes to me. But it just struck me today that I don’t really know their names. My brother, as a fellow music lover and guitarist, would know these songs.

So just in case I forget some day, here are some of my ah pa’s favourite songs to play.

Smoke on the water – The Shadows

Apache – Hank Marvin

Shanty – The Quests

I know my brother is having a great career in the States and has made a home there, but selfishly I still wish he could move to Australia and we could be reunited some day. I know it’s not all fine and dandy when we are all together, we squabble like any other family, but I just wish, especially for my parents, that their son was a bit nearer. Ah well, maybe some day, who knows what the future will bring us. For now I’ll keep my fingers crossed and wait for the next time we can meet again.


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