Archive for the 'Daitaoha is Emo' Category

Wedding woes

Attending a family wedding with two toddlers in tow sure ain’t easy. Just go to the wedding, enjoy an eight course banquet then go home right? But that isn’t the case when you’re part of the bridal party and have to help out with the planning and logistics of a wedding.

There’s the to and fro of many airport pickups and drop offs, the entertaining, wining and dining of overseas guests and relatives. And it becomes even more complex and complicated once your family home also opens up to become accomodation for said relatives. It’s a joyous occasion and a great reason for a family reunion, but when you throw two kids in the mix, ones that are not used to the hot tropical weather and the under 2 who has stranger anxiety, it does become a tad stressful.

Once again it goes to show how it takes a village to raise a family and how my parents are super grandparents. They’ve taken over the parenting of the kids to spare them the stress of overwhelming relatives and wedding chaos. R and I are able to focus on helping out my very stressed mother in law and sister in law (the bride). But at what expense?

I felt so bad when I saw ah ma looking so tired today. I’ve always been extra lucky to have parents that I can always count on, but I just wish I could be more self sufficient and less reliant on my long suffering parents. 😔.

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Vent out of shape

Just when you get complacent in life and think we’ve had a pretty good healthy spate, bang, the kids are sick and so are you. I’m just waiting for R to join us, it will be inevitable.

The annoying thing is when I’m sick I still tend to the kids and look after them as per normal when all I really want to do is lie down in a dark room somewhere and sleep. When the father is sick, he lies down in a dark room somewhere and goes to sleep. I know I could do the same and let the kids and father 自身自灭, but I just cannot lah. Its just not in my DNA. It’s similar in my workplace where a gluten intolerant colleague has been condescending and downright rude to me, but what do I do, I bake bloody gluten free treats so she isn’t left out during our team morning teas. Why am I such an idiot ah?

I guess I still believe in treating others the way I want to treated and hope (maybe in vain!) that someday this will be reciprocated.

The good thing about venting on WordPress is no one reads my blog so I can vent without being self conscious. I signed up to Dayre 2.0 so my mom could access it for her daily gossip but gosh, that app is a total joke and surely must be the laughing stock of the app world? I really doubt it can survive…

It’s been such a tough week, can the holiday come already ?! Totally random but I truly believe no one in the world loves you as much as your parents. I saw my parents visibly wince when they saw my sickly face this morning. It’s one thing to be filial and another thing to be want to be good to your parents out of love and not obligation. What’s your gauge of true love? To me, it’s when my parents are old and elderly and have lost their bodily functions, I will have no qualms cleaning up their adult nappies and trimming my father’s nostril hair.

Ok I think I’m babbling nonsense now, I blame the fever ok?

Woo hoo

I’m on the bus on the way back to work after my neurosurgeon appointment. The doctor told me that my MRI scans should that my disc protrusions have ‘spontaneously regressed’ and I’m pretty much completely recovered!!

Woo hoo, no need for back surgery and no need for future appointments. I’m so relieved and thankful that this dark and bleak period of my life is over!!

Are you happy or sad or angry?

Lately Saitaoha has been getting into the habit of asking us whether we are happy or sad to gauge our mood. At first it was quite funny and very effective in getting us to stop being angry (when she knows she’s in trouble) but now she’s repeating it so much that I’m started to get worried that we are horrible parents that are always getting angry at her, hence her need to keep gauging our moods.

It usually goes like this:

Saitaoha does something naughty like refusing to nap or not sharing with mei mei.

Saitaoha: Mummy, are you happy or sad or angry?

Mummy: I am sad because you didn’t share with mei mei.

Saitaoha: Mummy can you be happy please? Pleease…. mummy, can you say it’s ok??

Mummy: (looks at her pleading eyes) ok ok I’m happy.

Sometimes the tables are turned and she comes running to us

Saitaoha: Mummy mummy ! Can you ask me whether I’m happy or sad ??

Mummy: Er ok, are you happy or sad?

Saitaoha: I am sad because mei mei took my biscuit!

Today I spent the whole day working on my laptop, only stopping to feed and bathe the kids, plus read them storybooks and play a little.

Saitaoha: Mummy can you ask me whether I’m happy or sad?

Mummy: Saitaoha, are you happy or sad?

Saitaoha: I am sad because mummy is too busy to play with me.

(Cue my heart shattering into a million pieces)

Mummy: I am sorry Saitaoha, mummy needs to work but I will play with you in a little while ok?

Saitaoha: ok mummy! Mummy are you happy or sad or angry?

Mummy: Mummy is sad because mummy has to work and can’t play with you and mei mei.

Saitaoha: Don’t worry Mummy, you can play with Saitaoha and mei mei later. Don’t be sad mummy, you can be happy later ok?

****

It’s absolutely humbling to have your daughter to remind you everyday not to be sad and angry , and that you can be happy later.

Down in the dumps

It’s been a pretty lousy week. Both kids are sick with Saitaomei having the worst of it. I always spiral into this black hole when the kids are unwell, maybe it’s the lack of sleep, or the incessant crying, or feeling like a failure of a mother for being unable to protect or soothe my children, whatever it is, it makes me feel terrible and I just shut down from the world.

It doesn’t help that work is stressful and so emotionally charged. I love being back in the space where I’m invested and passionate about the cause, the only difference is I am unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel and beginning to doubt my own capabilities.

So yep, all round a failure. Sigh.

Last night despite Saitaomei trashing around in agony and wailing most of the night, we still managed a couple of hours of sleep. But I had the most horrible nightmare that Saitaomei died in a plane crash. The overwhelming grief was too much to bear that I woke up feeling numb. This flu season has been hard on the kids and the newspaper screaming the latest flu death toll is scaring the hell out of me. Yet I know she’s not at the stage where we should be sending her to the doctor’s or hospital, but am I being a bad mother if I don’t ?

So I’m sneaking out of the house at 7am to put in a full day at work when I should really be looking after the kids. And then at night I’ll have to rush to the hospital for my dreaded mri scan. Is this worth it you think?

Oh gosh I hope things take a turn for the better soon.

4am grumbles

4am with a sick and very cranky, irritable Saitaomei. I’m kinda resigned to the fact that I won’t be able to make it to work tomorrow. It’s school holidays so my parents will have the full set of grandkids with them. I can’t lump them with my very clingy, feverish and upset mei mei, it will be too much to handle. She caught her cold from Saitaoha but whilst jeje recovered very quickly, mei mei’s cold seems a lot worse and she’s really feeling it.

Sigh this is not the best time to be away from work and I have a full day workshop that I’m running on Tuesday too. Never mind, the kids come first.

I am supposed to start on a health kick but at times like these I really want to binge on junk food.

Breakdancing Eskimo?

Despite the lack of sleep and sick kids, we still had a nice weekend.

Please recover quickly babies.

Flu shot

3.50am. Reminder to self : Get the kids their flu shots as soon as possible every year !!!

I already severely regretted it when the kids missed their second round of flu shot when we had to fly back to Malaysia last year. I swore I would get them their shots this year but just when we were going to get it, Saitaoha caught the HFMD. Now poor mei mei has been running a high fever for two days straight and I fear it’s the flu.

I might bring her to the doctor’s tomorrow if this fever persists but it’s not like they can do anything because she can hardly take any meds except for ibuprofens/paracetamol at her age. Just have to keep monitoring her and pray the symptoms don’t get worse.

Arrrhh why didn’t I get them their flu shot earlier?! They might not avoid the flu even with the shot but I want to think that at least I armed their vulnerable selves with any vaccine possible. I’m so fedup with myself, why do I procrastinate year after year?

Children just shouldn’t have to get sick ever. It’s so heartbreaking 😭.


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