Archive for the 'Daitaoha is Emo' Category

Flu shot

3.50am. Reminder to self : Get the kids their flu shots as soon as possible every year !!!

I already severely regretted it when the kids missed their second round of flu shot when we had to fly back to Malaysia last year. I swore I would get them their shots this year but just when we were going to get it, Saitaoha caught the HFMD. Now poor mei mei has been running a high fever for two days straight and I fear it’s the flu.

I might bring her to the doctor’s tomorrow if this fever persists but it’s not like they can do anything because she can hardly take any meds except for ibuprofens/paracetamol at her age. Just have to keep monitoring her and pray the symptoms don’t get worse.

Arrrhh why didn’t I get them their flu shot earlier?! They might not avoid the flu even with the shot but I want to think that at least I armed their vulnerable selves with any vaccine possible. I’m so fedup with myself, why do I procrastinate year after year?

Children just shouldn’t have to get sick ever. It’s so heartbreaking 😭.


Lousy mum

Feeling miserable because it’s 12.50am and Saitaomei is running a high fever.

She’s been hot all day and I suspected she might be feverish but why didn’t I take her temperature?! She was also off food today but I was distracted by her HFMD sister and she still seemed relatively happy so I put it down to teething.

Dosed her with nurofen and she’s gone back to sleep. Hopefully her fever will go soon and both kids are back to good health again.


Missing you all already

Farewell my funny, dependable, all round fantastic little brother! Hope that trip back goes quick and smoothly and we get to see you very soon.

Goodbye Saitaoha’s lovely Aunty Peggy, she formed a great friendship with our beautiful sister in law this Easter holiday and it’s not hard to see why, Peggy is gorgeous in and out.

This video is so funny because Saitaomei does a BBC child interrupted move halfway haha.

My heart aches for my parents that their only son is leaving yet again. US is really so far away it feels. Ah pa will miss his fellow music lover and ping pong player.

I’m close to ah pa, but there are gaps that I don’t think any of us girls can fill for my brother. I’ve listened to these songs played by my father since my childhood, they are familiar tunes to me. But it just struck me today that I don’t really know their names. My brother, as a fellow music lover and guitarist, would know these songs.

So just in case I forget some day, here are some of my ah pa’s favourite songs to play.

Smoke on the water – The Shadows

Apache – Hank Marvin

Shanty – The Quests

I know my brother is having a great career in the States and has made a home there, but selfishly I still wish he could move to Australia and we could be reunited some day. I know it’s not all fine and dandy when we are all together, we squabble like any other family, but I just wish, especially for my parents, that their son was a bit nearer. Ah well, maybe some day, who knows what the future will bring us. For now I’ll keep my fingers crossed and wait for the next time we can meet again.

The long road

Bad MRI scan results. A visit to my neurosurgeon. I’ve asked to delay surgery with the hope that I can heal in time. But am I just delaying the inevitable? I am not sure. I guess I’m buying time in the hope of a miracle and to allow my kids to grow up a little bit more so they’re less dependent on mommy. Which is so ironic considering how I’ve been bemoaning about how I wish they wouldn’t grow up so fast.

A reflective bus ride home. Trying to be positive with the silliest thoughts ‘At least it’s not cancer’ ‘Is my pain worsening or is this phantom pain that I’m imagining after the consult?’ ‘I am such a burden to my family’ ‘What a bad fall’

In the meantime I text my sisters to let them know and bask in their comforting words. R is less comforting, because he never minces the truth and tells it like it is, but I need that sense of reality. I’m going to have to tell my parents when I get home, I can already imagine their crestfallen worried faces, sigh, my poor long suffering parents.

This is my year of recovery. It has to be.

Old times new times

Last night I dreamt of my old workmates. We were gathering for drinks, catching up after such a long time of not working together, the camaraderie, the jokes and banter, the warm friendship and kindness were still there. Then one of the guys disappeared and turns out he went outside to plant a flag with the emblem of our old organisation. I woke up feeling teary and with such a sense of loss.

That’s when I decided I wouldn’t go in to work today. The night before I was doing the usual devil 👿 vs angel 😇 debate on whether to call in sick because well, I am pretty sick and so are the kids. Despite knowing that my coughing, sneezing and sniffling self wouldn’t be welcomed in the office, I always feel guilty about not going in to work.

The whole day I felt useless, unproductive and lethargic. I thought I should start up the laptop to do some work, but I ended up playing with Saitaoha and watching mindless drama instead. I just can’t get excited about the work I do, arrggh. I’m going to try again tomorrow but it’s going to be an uphill battle.

On the bright side, Saitaoha was an angel today. Surprisingly it was R who commented that she would probably respond better with positive affirmations during meal times. My impatience and temper has not gone unnoticed 😑. So I tried that today and she was a delight.

It’s difficult not to feel down when you’re sick. Especially when it’s no longer about you and more about how you’re worried you will infect the kids. Sometimes I long for the days when you’re only responsible for yourself. Then there moments like tonight when my girls snuggled up to me and we watched videos together. The sisters were holding hands and their little heads were resting against my chest. Then I thought ‘this is all worth it’.

The baby sleeps

The baby is finally asleep, hopefully for the night. Earlier she tossed and turned, giggled and whined, flopping around like a sleepy drunkard. I’ve actually missed this scene, it’s been almost two weeks since this girl has slept with me at night. A very very long two weeks made longer because there were days when I lay immobile in bed, wondering whether I would ever walk again, whether life would ever be normal again.

Thankfully, I’m slowly making my way back there. Today is another milestone because I can put Saitaomei to bed again. I can stop worrying that my parents are not getting enough sleep and rest.

In the weeks where it felt like life had come to a halt, Saitaomei started walking with confidence. She is now traipsing all over the place and it’s so cute to watch.

My fairy princess who is mighty pleased with the wings she scored from yee yee. She is very excited because it’s her favourite Tristan Koko’s birthday tomorrow. She keeps practising on us and saying happy birthday 🎁. Just like that, my dearest nephew is 6 years old. Time really flies. The little baby that I carried in my arms is now a grown up little boy, my baby is now walking. Life is so sweet but so short.

I feel like I’ve been given a lifeline to appreciate everyone and everything around me. Despite much apprehension, I braved it to the shopping centre today with both kids in tow. It turned out to be a very pleasant excursion and even R commented that I lasted very long and walked a lot. I enjoyed being with my family so much, dinner at Pepper lunch was also a joy.

This one had a taste of icecream 😅.

I think she’s a fan.

Thankful for a lovely Sunday. It’s so nice to have my baby sleeping next to me again. As I kissed her tummy and she burst into giggles, I felt so happy to be alive and so thankful for my kids and my family.


Things that I’m thankful for :

This morning I was able to wake up at the same time as my husband and daughter.

I could answer my daughter when she called ‘where is mummy?’ and chat to her while she waited for her papa to prepare her morning milk.

We ate our breakfast of brioche buns with ham and cheese (lovingly given by mah mah the day before) together in the living room.

I told R ‘I’ve never appreciated being able to sit in the living room and have breakfast with my family more’. For the past week, I’ve been bed ridden and my world was confined to my bedroom and the corridor to the toilet.

I could choose a pretty dress for Saitaoha and steam iron it. She was very pleased with my choice and said the dress was ‘beautiful’.

I felt well enough to walk to my parents’ house. My ah ma was so happy to see me at her house and I know ah pa was so relieved and glad to see me too. They’ve been so worried 😢.

I was so happy to see Saitaomei who was being a couch potato.

Saitaoha and I played with balloons whilst waiting for her yee yee to bring her out to kai kai. Thankful for her yee yee who has been bringing her out a lot.

Spending time with Ms Tamchiak who is loving being one and allowed a bit of adult food. She was very keen to eat her yeezhang’s durian cheesecake.

Her favourite time is bath time, very similar to her jeje who loves bath time too. I look forward to bathing her again.

May tomorrow be a better day and may I grow in strength everyday.

June 2019
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