Archive for the 'Daitaoha is Emo' Category

40 weeks +3 days overdue

Once a pregnant lady reaches full term, every additional day after her estimated due date goes by very very slowly. Every twinge, ache or movement is met with trepidation and hope ‘is this it? Am I going into early labour?’ But when it all settles again, there’s a sense of crushing disappointment and frustration.

I spent the night worrying whether the lesser movements means she’s running out of space or whether something more sinister is lurking. The rational part of me knows that this is part and parcel of the ‘waiting period’ and I’m over thinking everything. I’ve also been pondering and thinking that I’ve been a wholly unsupportive sister towards my sisters when they were pregnant! They must have gone through the same horrible emotional upheavals and physical strain, and yet, I don’t recall anyone whining to me or me showing any concern at all (T___T). I promise I will be a much better sister and more supportive during their next pregnancies.

My parents have been in Perth for a week now. I know that my mother is quite anxious as well, because everyday that Saitaoha hasn’t arrived, is one day less that she can help with the baby before she flies back home. I am however thankful that they are here. I know that I will look back and treasure this memorable period of spending time with my parents. I feel like I am going back in time during my youth when my parents took care of all my needs.

It is surreal seeing my father doing housework around the house. My father who has always been the  the king of our household is now mopping my floors as I type, in fact, he came over to show me the new mop that he bought (my parents were flabbergasted at my lack of high tech cleaning supplies haha) and how you ‘can really see the dust’. My mother told me that he plans to clean the windows tomorrow?! It doesn’t matter how much I protest or try to stop them from doing work, they just won’t allow me to do anything! I think because this is the first time that my parents have seen any of their daughters in a heavily pregnant state, they are quite shocked at the size of my belly and have deemed me unsuitable to do any menial tasks.

When Saitaoha grows up, I will let her know how wonderful and selfless her grandparents are. I will teach her to be a loving grand daughter and let her know that filial piety is one of the best virtues that she should uphold.

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Farewell 2015 Hello 2016

It’s almost the end of 2015! What a year it has been, for some reason, it feels like this year has dragged out for a long time. My 2015 was spilt between pre pregnancy and post pregnancy. The year didn’t start out too well, even though I was in my beloved  Kuching, my  brother was hospitalised at the start of the new year with a serious condition. It was very worrying but I’m glad things turned out alright by the end of the year. It feels like my family has been plagued with health problems all year, the kids and adults were falling ill quite a bit, Jan, my brother and myself all had bouts in the hospital. It really wasn’t the best for us in terms of health. But I think the main thing is we all got well in the end and supported each other throughout the tough times.

The first half of the year was very busy at work. Haha, but it’s busy every year right? I felt like I was comfortable at work though, as in more confident and at ease, after three years in the role, I have been conditioned to be in ‘war’ mode all the time. I did get angry with myself at the start of the pregnancy because I was missing my blood tests because I put work first. It wasn’t till the amnio test that I realised what I was putting at risk (sorry Saitaoha) and changed my priorities. I am now much better at taking time off work when I need to, not checking my work emails after hours, and generally letting go. It has been tougher on my team because I expect them to step up when I’m not there, but I also know they can do it and know that I’ve been very lucky in having a great and trustworthy team. There has been a lot of upheavals at work, my immediate boss finally broke down and decided not to continue on in her role. She actually gave up a very senior role and high pay to relegate to a lower position with less responsibilities. It was a tough decision for her to make but I’m glad she did because I saw her burning out day by day. Part of me saw myself in her but I’m glad that I never let myself get there and will never let myself get into that position in the future.

Being good and responsible at my job is very important to me, I hope this is a trait that I will keep with me forever. But I also realise that it should not be the be all and end all. I will work hard at being a good mother and wife as well. It will probably be a million times harder than my job, but possibly a million times more enjoyable and rewarding too.

I’m glad that despite the hectic schedule at work, I managed to have lots of fun this year too. Our camping trips were such fun experiences and I surprise myself by saying that I will miss it. There’s something magical about sleeping overnight in tents, waking up to the sound of birds chirping and being with friends and family. Hopefully it won’t be too long before we can go camping again with Saitaoha in tow! I also visited Sydney a couple of times with R and enjoyed each trip. I loved catching up with Jason where we had our matcha latte D&Ms (deep and meaningful haha), discovering new eats and shopping with R, and generally enjoying couple time with R.

My favourite holiday was still my short trip to Singapore in April where I met up with my parents. It was simple things like my father teaching us taichi, going supper hunting with Jo, our nightime walks at the TP hub, tucking into hawker centre fare with my family. It was the same when my parents visited Perth in October, I only wish Jan and I were feeling better then, it was our post operation days but our parents tendered to all our needs as if we were children again.

Pregnancy wise, it wasn’t all smooth sailing but I’ve blogged about this before. I have about 50 days to go before my estimated due date, it feels closer and closer, baby is also very active nowadays making it difficult to sleep but I don’t mind. I didn’t enjoy feeling worried and out of control health and weight wise but I guess that comes part and parcel with pregnancy. Most of the time I tried not to stress too much and take things a day at a time. R was his usual silent self, not being overly dramatic or emotional about anything, but he was supportive in every way possible. We managed to have lots of laughs during the good and bad days which I hope will continue in the days and years to come.

Next year will be exciting and challenging! I don’t know what motherhood will be like or how R and I will fare as parents. I hope not too bad lah! I also wonder what it will be like to not be working, I’ve worked for so long I’m not sure how to feel without a job for 9 months (I might enjoy it too much hehe). Deep down I think we will turn out ok and it will be a magical experience watching Saitaoha grow up. My 2016 resolutions are quite simple, I am going to try my best at being a good mother and wife, I also want to have a happy and healthy lifestyle and hopefully go back to looking and feeling normal again. Wish me luck!

28 weeks

I’m alive! It really has been too long since I’ve blogged from this space, I’ve been blogging daily using Dayre, but it’s just not the same. Dayre is great for microblogging and when you’re on the go, I write when I’m on the train, or when we’re in the car, it captures snippets of the day, but it doesn’t really capture my thoughts or emotions as fully as a real long blog post.

I thought about blogging when I passed my first trimester, it felt right that I should blog about the next phase of my life on the blog that has been accompanying me all these years. But for some reason, I resisted. I think it’s because the pregnancy to me is such a private matter, in fact, up to now many friends still don’t know about it and I haven’t felt the need to shout it from the top of the world. The pregnancy journey has been interesting, for the past couple of years, even though I knew my ‘biological clock was ticking’ and everyone under the sun would ask ‘when are you planning to have kids’, I’ve always felt quite comfortable with saying we’re not ready yet. Really, I was the one that wasn’t ready. Work was so busy, I wanted to enjoy it just being two of us, and most of all, having watched my two sisters’ journeys, I knew what it meant if we were to take the next step. It’s hard work and it’s forever. You can’t change your mind halfway and say ‘take back the kid’, even with marriages nowadays, people get divorced so easily, but you can’t ever divorce from your kids can you?

The pregnancy as I predicted wasn’t as smooth running as I hoped it would be. There was the down syndrone high risk scare, there was my gallstone removal (I feel so cheated of the wonderwoman 2nd trimester scare because of that!). For the first time in my life I was hospitalised and wheeled around in a hospital bed, went for an MRI scan (they let you watch Family Guy while you’re in that coffin thing!) and was put under to have a ‘procedure’ to get rid of that little bugger. Now that I’m in the final trimester, there are millions of doctor appointments, child birth classes and I am very behind on nursery preparation. I can genuinely say I’ve hardly bought anything for saitaoha (my mother gave her that nickname, apt right haha) and have read half a baby book. I have been accompanied by this great pregnancy app which I’ve read is considered very old school (because it was one of the very early ones and there are new fangled cooler apps out there nowadays) but I love it. Everyday I have a quick read to see what’s happening with the baby, sage advice on forums from other mums, and it’s also the way I keep track of what week I’m at (-____-)”. It’s not very reliable especially when they use a fruit to describe the baby’s size, baby is supposed to be the size of an eggplant this week, but hey, do you mean those teeny Lebanese eggplants or the huge giant ones that are found in Australia?? Take it with a grain of salt lah.

The weight gain is a worry for me. I just really pray that I will be able to lose the weight when saitaoha is out. I miss wearing nice dresses and having a waist (T____T). It’s also quite alarming to see all the weight that I lost over the years through diet and exercise just pile on. I have to be honest, my work life was getting so bad pre pregnancy that I was comfort eating too much anyway.

I always knew pregnancy wasn’t easy even though other women at work looked like they were breezing through it (I probably just never realised they might have been struggling). I just didn’t realise how scary it was going to be, and how fragile. A very close friend had a miscarriage during this time, and it was painful and heartbreaking to watch. Life felt very fragile and I found myself hoping to get pass each week smoothly because every extra week means a stronger chance of survival. It’s quite morbid isn’t it? But it’s not all negative, I’ve had so much support from my family and friends. Even though I haven’t bought anything for saitaoha, I also haven’t felt the massive need to because everynow and then Jo would drop by with a parcel of ‘something the baby will need’, or Jan would tell me ‘I have two sets of xx, don’t buy, baby can choose which one she prefers’. My mother whatsapps me to tell me what other miscellanous thing she’s bought for saitaoha, I think the other day it was baby nail clippers. My family know when to fuss and cluck, but they also knew when I needed my space and hovered in the background, not saying anything but showing their support with the gesture of homecooked soup.

R has been so supportive too. I’ve gotten so used to the workaholic always being so busy with his appointments, professional development training and courses, I sort of settled myself on being on this journey semi alone. But it was the opposite, he’s been to every doctor’s appointment with me, was there everynight to visit at the hospital, was a shoulder to cry on during the tough times, we were in it together and are in this together for life. That’s pretty amazing.

So saitaoha, stay happy and healthy ok? There are so many amazing people for you to meet when you come out, you will have the most wonderful grandparents, aunties, uncles and papa to spend your life with. And yes, you’ll have me too. I’m not that great but I’ll try my best and that’s a pact ya?

A timely rain is worth its weight in gold

So I didn’t expect my 2014 to end this way.

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It started benignly with a visit to Carpenter Street or Ah-tap Ke as the locals call it. A difficult and narrow street to maneuver. As kids, we never used to venture into the street unless we had to visit the goldsmiths which line the street. Or have a very good bowl of fishball noodles.

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The famed fishball noodle stall is located in a unique location where there is a temple inside and also a temple opposite. I remember the location being very stuffy and sweat rolling down our temples as we dug into a bowl of fishball noodles which always seemed so delicious probably due to the rarity of us venturing there for a meal. I’m told the family carries out the fishball making in secrecy and behind locked doors haha.

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Are the fishball noodles still good? Not bad to be honest. But also not as fantastic as I remember. I think I prefer the fishball noodles in Singapore.

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My brother’s next meal unfortunately, was in the hospital. And it wasn’t for many hours later when we were advised that emergency surgery wouldn’t be necessary (phew). Poor fella had to see in the new year in the hospital. My parents and I retired to bed early and there was no countdown to 2015, for me, it was due to a mixture of relief and nerves.

I’ve never had much experience being in the hospital (thank heaven) but I understand the anxiety, fear and apprehension that comes with a loved one being in hospital. I thought of those people on tv shows such as Fear factor where they’re terrified of spiders, or heights, that’s nothing compared to fear throbbing in your heart when your loved one is sick and you’re not sure what is wrong or how to fix it. The fear when you want him to rest but you’re afraid for him to close his eyes. I don’t believe I have, but this has taught me to never ever take my family for granted.

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On the bright side, my brother is home now and we’re having american style spareribs for dinner. He prepared the spice rub himself, it’s the first time that I’ve ever eaten anything that my brother has prepared so I have high expectations!

In 2014, I finally completed my decade long resolution of getting a driver’s license. So what’s next for 2015? I am going to keep a personal journal (this is something I picked up from my brother and will aid in self reflection and improvement) and I will lead a healthier lifestyle. I am also going to have much better work life balance and spend more time with my family and loved ones! I’ll report back in a year.

Happy New Year folks.

First Year Wedding Anniversary

R and I turned one year old today :). This time last year we were probably in the middle of our second outfit change during our wedding dinner and running down the halls of Hilton. Ahh how time flies.

We had planned to have another ‘tapas bar/pub crawl’ instead of our normal fine dining/degustation celebration dinner (that’s happening in Sydney hehe) on Saturday night. Unfortunately our plans fell through due to the crummy wet weather and pure laziness.

Instead we stayed at home and watched TVB dramas and had instant noodles! It was actually really nice 🙂 and was a celebration of some sort because R made us homemade cocktails.

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We did venture out on the real day itself on Sunday and went to the Claremont shopping centre for window shopping and brunch at Atomic cafe. I love weekend coffees.

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This was R’s lamb pita, he said the pita bread was very nice and the lamb average.

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My chicken avocado panini with a side of shoestring fries was pretty good.

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The fig and ricotta cake looked too good to pass by. Taste wise though, it was just ok and not as fantastic as it looked.

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Roast chicken for dinner! This was my request and it wasn’t even home cooked but bought from Red Rooster’s.

A lot of people tend to ask newlyweds what married life is like and whether it’s changed the relationship. Luckily I don’t have a lot of annoying friends or family whom have asked us this question.

But if someone did ask me how married life has been, I would say the fact that we’re having roast chicken takeaway for our wedding anniversary dinner is probably the epitome of what married life has been for me. R, for as long as I’ve known him, dislikes having takeaway food and especially fast food takeaway. He has this thing where he thinks if one is going out, we may as well have a proper dinner at the restaurant itself.

I, on the other hand, LOVE takeaways (especially fast food) and the idea of vegging out in front of the couch with the tv blasting away in the corner. Jo used to be my partner in crime for this hehe.

This year, R has been bringing me out to buy my takeaways and sometimes joining me in my couch potato session including our roast chicken tonight. I’m not saying that we’ve changed who we are for each other, he will always prefer a sit down dinner and I will always have cravings for a good Grill’d burger. But we’ve learned to compromise and find pleasure in each other’s hobbies and idiosyncrasies.

Close friends and family know that my working life is hectic and full on. What they don’t know is, no matter how tough or crazy work can be sometimes, it kinda washes away and feels all good whenever I have a Whatsapp conversation with my mum, or when I talk to Jo on the phone while walking home in the dark to the train station and can hear the kids in the background. Best of all, it’s all good when your husband spends his whole Saturday in the office with you, working quietly a few desks away while you tap tap tap on your computer.

So yes, one year into the marriage, and I’m really happy. Thanks for everything R. Looking forward to the years to come ;).

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It was a really special Mother’s day this year because all the kids were here. The only mummy missing was my Ah Ma! I think she was a bit jealous.  Maybe next year Ah Ma will be here for Mother’s Day, that would be lovely.
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Lately I’ve lost my mojo at work. Sigh, I guess everyone goes through ups and downs in their career and there are times when one feels demotivated or disillusioned. Maybe my fire is burning low and I’m running out of gas? Or maybe it’s just a lull before I feel better again, whatever it is, I hope it goes by soon.

Weekends are now a time for relaxation and with the kids around, it really brings new meaning to the words family day.

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The brother in laws enjoying a spot of fishing. I know HC is really enjoying having a fishing mate while it’s nice that Andy has gotten into the Aussie sport.

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What do the rest of us non fishers do? We picnic, stuff our faces, go pinecone and leaf hunting and bask in the sun.

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I think all the idyllic family time is also a reason why I’m getting more and more reluctant to spend so much time and energy at work. Why be in front of the computer when you can have this? (-_____-).

I look forward to the good working days again. In the meantime, I will count down the days to the weekend again.

Wrapping up memorable 2013

I knew that 2013 would go by fast and boy did it whizz through in the most memorable fashion.

I turned thirty this year. Yep, the scary big 3-0. All the older ladies at work promised me that I would love thirties and so far they seem to be right because I loved the first year.

It was great returning to Kuching for Chinese New Year this year, especially nice because KaKa was there too.

We were registered in March and officially became man and wife. I was so glad that my parents were there to witness the whole event and I will never forget us being late for our own ceremony! That’s R and I down to the bone, two daitaohas living a daitaoha life. March was bliss with our parents being in Perth.

April 2013 Jo and HC celebrated their first birthday as parents. How tiny Tristan was then.

It was farewell to Gerry in May who was returning to China for the longer term which is ironic now that he’s back in Perth again! Hehe, we should learn to never farewell Gerry.

June was all about prepping for the wedding with us visiting Hongkong and Guangzhou where we took wedding photos, I bought my wedding dress and we finally visited Gerry’s hometown of Jiangmen. We grew closer to Gerry and his family in the short two days visit and are raring to go back again. Maybe when Gerry finally gets married * hint hint*

Jaso returned to Perth in July and we managed to catch up a few times.

My hen’s afternoon tea happened in August and the lovely ladies and I had lots of fun and sweet treats at the Sassy Cookie.

September was all about our Malaysian wedding which was a great family and friend affair. I was so surprised at how emotional I felt about leaving the family home the night before the wedding. Oh gosh, I just realised that I never blogged about the wedding itself. For some reason I have this image of R and I laughing and running hand in hand to and fro the hotel room and the banquet hall in between our outfit changes. That probably sums up what I remember of the day itself, relaxed, fun and heartwarming with every minute speeding by.

It was back from Kuching and straight back to work, work and more work for October. Someone at work said ‘daitaoha bakes when she’s stressed’, I’m not sure whether that’s true especially since I still think I’m not a good baker and I hate cleaning up after baking. But I did try a few recipes in October which worked out well.

With work being so hectic in November, I started appreciating my weekends even more and R and I started our Sunday brekkie ritual with The Old Crow being a nice discovery.

2013 in a big way was all about Tristan and getting used to a life with a baby. My cute nephew turned one in December and we celebrated his birthday in a big way. I love being an aunty to both Kaka and Tristan and can’t wait to spoil Kaka when the whole family moves to Perth in 2014!

In between the wedding, the trips to Kuching, Hongkong, family, babies and friends, work was a constant burr in the background and was probably the reason why the days just flew in 2013. R and I definitely moved forward in our careers in 2013 and 2014 will be even bigger and more challenging. At times I doubt myself and wonder how long I can keep up with the pace before I burn out. The fact that I’m aware that I need to get better at work/life balance will hopefully keep me steady in the new year.

Part of my new year resolutions include to step out of my comfort zone at work and find out what I want and where I want to go/or not go in my career. Always remember that there is life outside of work which is more important and that’s R and my family who always keep me grounded, happy, and remind me to value the simple pleasures in life.

Just struck midnight so it’s now 2014. 2013 was amazing so here’s hoping for an awesome 2014. Happy New Year folks.

 


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