Was it worth it ?

In 2018 I returned to work from maternity leave and had to restart my career all over again. But 2018 was also the year where I really struggled health wise with a fractured toe, torn ligament and prolapsed disc. It didn’t help that Saitaomei was only one year old.

2019, I emerged from the dark days of bad health and started on a new project which would then consume my life for the next 4 years. There was no work life balance. I hardly saw the kids. I worked really long hours and for three years took not a single day of annual leave. It was an exhilarating, draining and traumatic four years of tremendous highs and lows.

This project was completely successfully. It was a once in a lifetime project everyone said. Monumental reform. I remember a higher up saying to us ‘we will be on the right side of history’. I think he is right but time will tell.

Leading the successful delivery of this project allowed me to carve a name for myself, I was suddenly the ‘leading subject matter expert’ in the State, it allowed me to rebuild my career and I became sought after. I was offered a job at a much higher pay, I took it and I left my sector, my dream job for this new career.

I’m settling well into my new role. I think I may do well in this new industry. But at what expense ?

My four years of toil and endless work, meant that I neglected my family, my children. I never gave them the time and the education they needed to reach their full potential, I didn’t give them the support they needed for these important foundational years.

Is it too late I wonder ? Is it too late for me to repent for my years of neglect ? Did I make the wrong choice ? Is it true that women really can’t have it all? We can’t build a successful career and have a happy healthy family at the same time?

I don’t know whether the sacrifice was worth it. But I know I never want to make the same sacrifice and mistakes again.

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Wake me up when March ends

TGIF with my parents is the best, except when Ah pa pays for the bill grrrr.

My beautiful Saitaoha is bright and lovely. I don’t give her enough credit and am usually pretty harsh on her. I don’t know why she still wants to do her daily reading with me when I’m so horrible sometimes, I really am a very bad teacher. But still every night she wants to read with me. Tonight she read her library book out loud by herself and even taught her little sister to read and spell. Sometimes I worry that she seems to care about her friends more than her sister, and yet when I hear her nagging at her sister to stay away from the roads, and worrying about her getting lost, I think she’s a good sister.

The girls ask me why they don’t get to see their girl cousin more often. Reminder to ask my sister to let the cousins come and visit more often, and to keep the house in better order so that I can actually invite people over !

It’s been a trying, emotional and disappointing week. Many times I think that my kids deserve much better parents, we can do better on so many fronts. My dear friends tell me not to beat myself up so much, but I think it’s the opposite, I think we’re often too easy on ourselves. The excuses are endless and it’s always easier to blame other elements instead of ourselves for the way things pan out.

It’s not lost on me that my children make my life so much brighter. I am looking forward to the end of this dreary March, I’m really hoping the second quarter of 2013 is much better.

Sad

It’s the kind of phone call you wish to never receive. When I relayed the news to my sister, our close friends, I couldn’t quite get the words out because it became real, I just cried.

It’s not fair, for you, for your mother, your sisters. I remember how for years Jo and I would joke that we were part of the Wong family, because your mum kindly invited us to your family reunion dinner since we couldn’t go home for Chinese New Year. I always felt like I was one of your sisters.

I am broken hearted. I’m so sorry Calv. You had so much ahead of you. You were so young. You were such a good friend and a steady rock for all of us. Even though we didn’t see much of each other once the kids arrived, I was steadfast and confident of our friendship. Perhaps too confident, I should not have taken for granted that you would be there forever, that we had plenty of time for catch ups, and that we would always be there for each other. Because I wasn’t there for you during your time of suffering, and now you will never know how much I cherished you as a friend and how thankful I am of our warm memories and shared youth, how grateful I am of my boys who were always there for me and supported me in every way.

You will always be in my heart. RIP my wonderful friend.

Melbourne trip 2023

Just like that our much awaited Melbourne trip is over. Kids are back at school today and we’re also heading back to work, sigh, I guess it’s back to regular programming for us. For some reason the first quarter of the year has been jam packed for us.

The Melbourne trip didn’t go quite as well as I wanted, there were little mishaps along the way, mostly to do with my lack to attention of detail, my Achilles heel. There was the airport parking which ended up wasting up a lot of our time and energy, the hotel wasn’t perfect (l should have skipped the views and opted for location convenience), and Ah pa had a bad back. The funniest thing was when I asked the kids what they liked best about the trip, their answers were daily bath bombs, the balcony and views and the pool! Nothing about Melbourne at all! Next time if I ever plan a family trip again I will try to factor in fun kids outings like going to the aquarium. But I am glad they liked our apartment stay because I wanted them to stay on a high rise overlooking harbour views for a change.

Highlight was the wedding, who knew we would end up going to my cousin’s wedding and the cousin that we are probably least close with ! But I think it meant a lot to my uncle that his brother, my Ah pa was there. It was an important family event and I’m glad we made it there.

The girls had lots of fun at the wedding, they enjoyed dressing up and even went on the dance floor!

Wedding grounds were beautiful but it was too sunny for all of us so we didn’t venture far out from the venue.

I hope my parents had a nice time catching up with my relatives.

I had all these grand plans to bring my parents for yummy food in Melbourne but they all didn’t come to fruition because my Ah pa hurt his back and the kids weren’t keen on walking around the city. They wanted to stay home most of the time so we ended up eating at home. We managed to finish a whole carton of eggs in five days g😅

Another highlight of the trip was my father meeting up with his old friend from his hometown. I could tell that he likes my father a lot and who can blame him? My Ah pa is a great friend to have.

Best meal of the trip was at Old Beijing @ QV, a treat from my father’s friend. The food was so delicious, I wish we had something like that in Perth, would bring my parents to eat all the time.

I think the kids had the best time, ice cream almost every night , bath tub with different Lush bath bombs every night, spoilt and indulged by their grandparents and parents.

It wasn’t the perfect trip that I wanted for my family but I think it was a memorable trip, one that we will reminisce for years to come.