It feels like the past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of medical appointments, events and manic work. I don’t think I have a good hold of things and feel exhausted every night.
Mostly it’s the sense of not doing anything properly and not juggling work and life in a well. Life feels uncertain, haphazard and all over the place. Last night I read the Miss Scatterbrain book to the kids and thought ‘that’s me’. Miss Scatterbrain went to the bank and asked for sausages, I feel like I’m going to do something like that soon, turn up for appointments at the wrong time, miss meetings or stuff up something for the kids and family.
Sigh when will I start feeling like my life is in order? Feels like never at the moment.
I’m sitting in the waiting area, waiting for my Ah pa while he’s getting an MRI for his brain, one of the tests and scans he has to get before his cataract surgery and possible shunt surgery for his advance glaucoma. Over the past couple of years, I’ve been to a few specialist appointments with my father, always with a sense of dread and sadness . My ah pa is getting old, his health is deteriorating, there is no denying it.
I am thankful that at least he is in Australia where healthcare is good and he is able to get the treatment and care that he needs. It is just very sad for me that I don’t feel there’s much I can do for him. I completely understand my father’s discomfort and fear of having to undergo uncomfortable procedures, tests, surgeries and also medical appointments where the unfamiliar language and jargon might make him feel ill at ease. I hate it that he must be feeling very nervous and feeling claustrophobic in an mri tunnel, I wish I could take these tests and bear the pain and discomfort for him.
How can I do more for my ah pa? What can I do to make him feel better? I really don’t know.
Covid Day 6, our elderly neighbours gifted us with homecooked food again, Aunty L has been cooking for us almost every other day since she heard we caught Covid. I spotted Uncle Y, her husband, up the ladder in his garden, reaching towards his banana trees and sighed. Lo and behold, the kids came running into the house in delight with a bunch of bananas that ‘Gung Gung’ dropped over the fence. ‘ Bananas!’ Saitaomei shouted in glee ‘my favourite !!’ No doubt Uncle Y knows it’s her favourite too. Sigh, we are blessed with such kind and generous neighbours, how lucky are we.
The girls are getting so good at drawing and colouring! They had a lovely day drawing, colouring and playing art gallery.
They were happy to show me where ah pa keeps his brooms and which broom he uses for sweeping up the porch. They helped to sweep as well and later proudly showed their Gung Gung their handiwork ‘are you proud of us?’ Saitaomei asked my Ah Pa, this little one is always fishing for compliments.
Housework makes you hot and sweaty so it was time for an icecream break.
They love ah pa’s garden and play so much outdoors. This is their childhood and they will remember this garden for years to come.
Covid ? What Covid ?
Showing me the fruits of Ah pa’s labour, they really are my father’s little helpers and know all their fruit trees!
Gung Gung teasing Saitaomei. Saitaomei laughing at Gung Gung’s jokes. Best friends for life.
A difficult week. Covid. Lots of sad news. Deaths and illnesses. But also a bittersweet week. The sweetness of being with my nearest and dearest and the ones I love the most. We’re still here and we still have each other.
I always think of our Kuching family home as my sanctuary, a place where I feel at peace, comfortable, safe and secure. I also felt that same sense of security and comfort at Ah ma’s lovely TP flat in Singapore.
Five days in since the girls and I moved into my parents’ house, even with horrible Covid and a dense fog settling across my senses, I could hear and sense my parents talking, playing with their grandchildren, hovering, always caring in the background, even in the helpless state of sickness and despair, I felt I was safe because we were together.
I’ve just come to realise that it wasn’t the Kuching home, or the TP flat that was my sanctuary, my parents are my sanctuary. and watching my daughters utterly enjoying their ‘staycation’ and basking in the utter joy of having their favourite grandparents AND mummy as a bonus under one roof, I know they see their grandparents as their sanctuary too.
If only I could give my parents the same sense of security, comfort and love that they give me and my children. That is really something worthwhile to strive towards.
Covid has arrived in our household 😔. At first there was a distant hope that we would be spared, but when my ah ma waved me away from her door squawking ‘we’ve got Covid !’ I knew it was all over.
Saitaomei was number 1. I thought she would be since she was unable to be vaccinated with her age and she’s also super close to her Gung Gung. Poor girl was devastated at the thought of being the only one in the house who was sick. She only cheered up when she realised she was going for a staycation with her grandparents, and this was something that was really coveted by her big sister.
We spent the night washing all linen and clothes, alas, the next morning I tested positive. Now only R and Saitaoha remain Covid free, but Saitaoha refused to be parted from me. So suddenly R has the house to himself (and loving it I think) and we’ve all moved to the ‘sick house’ as my girls call it.
Guess who is really happy ?
I am worried for us and hope we get through this sickness unscathed with no long term effects. I wish I could send Saitaoha away but is there really any point ? I feel a sore throat looking too, sigh.
The good news is we are almost all together and I can make sure my parents are ok. I’ve been worried about them. While I am able, I can also cook meals for them and help out with housework ? Somehow it feels like it’s my parents who end up looking after us in the end, sigh 😞.
Ah pa says to think of it as we’re down on luck at the moment, but winter will be over soon and 春天会来临 soon. Saitaoha and I spotted a rainbow today and we quickly made our wishes, I really hope spring arrives for our family soon 🌻🌼🌸🌺🌷
We are lucky that there are so many parks and playgrounds around us.
It’s been raining so much this winter that we head out to the park whenever the sun is out during the weekend.
A new playground set in our neighbourhood. The girls like this new playground a lot.
School holidays mean waffles for breakfast! I bought a new waffle machine and it worked a treat.
So much cooking over the weekend! There was lasagna, a roast pork dinner, loh bak and fried bean sprout noodles oh and pumpkin soup too! I was very productive in an afternoon I thought.
Lemon Swiss roll because we have lemons at home and ah ma loves Swiss roll.
Pandan Swiss roll on the other side, but I think I still prefer Swiss rolls with bits of fruit in it.
daitaoha 