The big 4-0

I’ve been dreading turning 40 for the past few years. I didn’t feel ready for my 40s, I felt, still feel, very young, ignorant and naive! I still remember the day that I turned 30, all the older ladies at work told me the 30s would be fabulous and to enjoy it. I remember back then 30 felt very old to me and I was worried that I hadn’t accomplished anything. It was the year I got married, I became a senior public servant and what has happened in the past decade?

They happened. My parents moved to Perth, my sisters joined me. My nephew and niece were born. Our family grew and my roots grew deeper in Australia.

Because my children are Australians, my 40s might be about letting go off my home country and spreading roots in Australia even more. It’s perhaps a sign that the first month of 2023 was spent packing away my childhood in boxes and letting go off my family home in Kuching.

I think my 40s will also be about my next stage of my career. Whether I will reach career highs or lows remains to be seen, but it feels like there are lots of opportunities out there, I just need to have the confidence to grasp on to them and ride the wave.

My birthday was spent with my loved ones, and I mean the ones I love the most.

It was spent with the little star who shares my birthday. She is a bright light as are all the little ones in our family.

I received beautiful, thoughtful cards and presents.

I was told I’m the best mummy, which is not true, but I’ll take it on my birthday. I am so lucky to be loved and cherished by them.

I mean the world to someone. And I have many people who mean the world to me and that I love and cherish.

I don’t think life can get better than that. Having people who love you and people that you love whole heartedly.

In my 40s, I want to grow to love myself more, I want to improve my health, my happiness and my confidence. I would like to be comfortable in my own skin, to know that I have the ability, strength and capability to protect and take care of my family and my loved ones. I know that in order to build up my capacity to take care of others, I first have to take care of myself. So I really want to regain my willpower to better myself. I pray and hope my 40s will be even better, brighter and blessed than my 20s and 30s.

Home sweet home ?

Back to regular programming, kids had their Saturday swimming lessons today and requested mac and cheese for lunch 😅. Guess they were missing Western food.

It was a lot more fun for them travelling with their cousin and yee yee. I felt it too because there’s comfort in numbers and extra hands to help out. It’s also a lot easier travelling now that they’re older, I think we’re ok for long haul travel now, except I think the only one who doesn’t like travelling is mummy, I really don’t like airplanes.

First meal for the kids when they were back was Ah ma’s eggs and fruit, I think they’ve missed fruit a lot. Then Saitaoha asked for udon for dinner, her favourite. It was nice being in the kitchen after a while.

Dinner for the adults was easy because ah ma had cooked curry and noodles for us, delicious cooking as usual. I can’t decide whether it’s nice to be home, I think where we live is not my dream home so I don’t see it as my final home. Whereas I felt good waking around my Ah pa’s garden and looking at the veggies and fruits which have multiplied while we were gone. I feel like they’ve really made a home out of their current place and it’s comforting especially since we left behind our Kuching family home that we love so much.

福兔贺岁 兔年行大运

40 minutes to midnight and the first day of the new Lunar New Year. It feels like it’s giving us another chance for a fresh start and I’m hoping our Rabbit year will be 福兔迎祥、玉兔迎春、兔年大吉、福兔賀歲、兔年行大運。

Girls have been having a great time at their Gung Gung PoPo’s. They are playing all day, eating treats and having icecream every night!

Saitaoha 兔年2023

Saitaomei 兔年2023

I have loved bringing them to my favourite places in Kuching and introducing their to my neighbourhood.

I must say they have totally embraced the Chinese New Year tradition of snacking! They’ve also been enjoying doing traditional activities like making decorations and hanging decorations, helping to clean the house and I’m sure they will enjoy the angpaos tomorrow.

See what I mean by introducing them to my childhood?

My funny girl who insisted on wearing this dress despite it being too big for her because she wanted to match with me. I am so lucky to be loved by them.

With their grandmother playing sparklers.

Just like these sparklers, our holiday is ending too soon. I feel like it has barely started. Maybe because our illness was such a sudden intruder? It took out a few days from our holiday.

I’ve discovered the way to enjoy reunion dinner is to have a very light breakfast and skip lunch. We were famished by dinner time and FIL’s cooking was superb!

Another half an hour to the new year, here’s wishing my loved ones and my family a fabulous 玉兔年 filled with good health and an abundance of happiness.

Home

Sematan, Roxy Beach 2023

The girls recovered from our horrible bout of food poisoning at Sematan. It was 1.5 -2 hours drive away from Kuching and I wasn’t looking forward to it because I was too worried about the kids and our illness. If they were to get seriously ill, the nearby hospital or clinic would be hours away.

Thankfully they started eating slightly before the road trip and Saitaoha was looking much perkier even though she napped throughout most of the car ride. That itself was great because at least she wasn’t in pain, in tears or vomiting.

After that it was a joy to watch her appetite awaken, to see her ask for ice cream and treats.

Her little cousin also finally got to play with Saitaoha jeje who was so ill previously that she couldn’t even talk to her let alone play with her. My girls were very good jejes and I was proud of them.

Spring 2023

We finally headed out shopping tonight. Even before the trip I resigned myself to the fact that it wouldn’t be my kind of Kuching trip with my favourite places, my neighbourhoods, my kind of local food. This is really R’s family trip and he really is overdue a reunion because he hasn’t seen his family for 3 years.

I still felt a bit sad being in my family home for a short while, seeing the bare rooms, the remnants of my childhood memories and my happy days. It was a wonderful home, it truly was, and even when I left Kuching for Perth, it was always a sanctuary for me when I came home. I slept so much better in my childhood bedroom. I wonder whether I would if I were to return today?

But the home isn’t a home without my family. So it doesn’t mean so much to me anymore because my parents are in Perth, therefore Perth is my home. I truly felt it this time coming ‘home’. I am thankful that we still can visit Kuching in the future though since the in laws will be here and it will still be a home to R. It won’t be quite the same, but it is still a place I hold dear to my heart.

Singapore 2023

Our holiday has gone off on a great start! I didn’t enjoy the flights (but I never do) but the kids were super excited. They’ve completely forgotten what it’s like on a plane and it was like their first time. They were curious and excited about everything! It made the ride a lot more enjoyable to be with happy company.

Of course xiu xiu had to come along the holiday.

Mei Mei and her xiu xiu.

Both kids liked their hotel room a lot, the location is great but the room size was a bit small for me. Luckily the kids are easy to please and Saitaomei told me that she really liked her hotel.

They really like the hotel’s robot Jeni, especially when she came to visit their yee yee’s room with chocolate. Since then Saitaoha has been plotting all these excuses for Jeni to come visit ‘do we need more spoons?’ she would ask.

Saitaoha’s IG shot.

Saitaomei’s bad ass picture. This girl is not as strong as her big sister and the long walks and weather tires her out. She is also used to her afternoon naps, so her papa has had to carry her a bit, I think she enjoys being carried by papa a lot !

A major highlight has been travelling with their yee yee and cousin. They have lots of fun together even though they also squabble a lot!

The pool was great, I think they look forward to the pool the most everyday. Whenever we are out shopping they will ask me when we can go back to the hotel and swim. Unfortunately the pool is closed today because of bad weather but we are hoping it opens in time for them to get an evening swim!

I never knew R liked lek tau suan so much, he’s been eating this everyday for breakfast.

Surprisingly we haven’t been eating that much this trip, I think there just hasn’t been much time and also with the kids, they aren’t that excited about food.

But I’ve been enjoying the trip immensely, I almost feel like I’m travelling to Singapore for the first time with the girls because everything is so special and fun to them that I’m experiencing my holiday through their lens.

The trip to Singapore has been everything that I wished for, let’s hope this wonderful feeling continues and crosses border to Kuching!

Dimming holiday mood

Not sure why but my holiday mood suddenly died! I think because it’s so near that it almost feels like it’s over ? I don’t know what’s wrong with me lah, but it felt like I got up from the wrong side of bed this morning. We took ages to find parking for brunch, the weather was super hot, I missed a call from my boss, there was lots of last minute admin stuff for the trip … I was just really grumpy. Could it be because we are travelling without my parents?

I feel like a deflated balloon, all my excitement, anticipation and happiness disappeared overnight. I no longer feel keen about the holiday but think it might be stressful and not go well.

Poor kids bore the grunt of my moodiness and I went on a clean the house spree and made them pack all their Christmas toys away into the playroom and off the living room. It’s been so cluttered since Christmas and the bare Christmas tree (we packed away the decorations too) is now looking lonely and empty in the corner. I miss the twinkly Christmas lights.

I’m hoping tomorrow I’ll get up on the right side of bed and feel much better about our trip and best of all, that we have a wonderful holiday.