Archive for the 'Daitaoha Earns a Living' Category

Cycle

Papa R’s birthday

We celebrated R’s birthday earlier this month, wow that feels like ages ago, the days have really flown by.

Poor R, because I’ve been sick and haven’t been out except for short stints to the supermarkets, he didn’t get any birthday presents this year! Even his cake was homemade. But I put in a lot of effort ok, it was a tiramisu Mille crepe cake which took ages in front of the stove and required great patience, of which I have none.

Sigh these two. Best friends. So close they need to hold hands during meals 😅. She is thoroughly spoilt by Gung Gung and knows it too.

Work has really been ramping up and I’m working longer and longer hours. Working from home also means I never clock off which is really bad for the kids. I felt so bad yesterday when I had to ask ah ma to pick up Saitaoha because she kept disrupting my meeting. Poor girl was in tears and said ‘but I want to stay with you!’

There’s the mum guilt which is ever present, guilty for tending too much to Saitaomei and neglecting Saitaoha, guilty for being impatient and cross with the both of them because I’m in the middle of work or just exhausted. There’s also daughter guilt, my parents can’t rest when I’m working, they’re not well too so I’m all round making everyone suffer because of my work. I really don’t know whether this is worth it.

As usual the whole household is down with illness. The cycle never ends, and you don’t even know who is patient zero anymore. Last night I even hung an extra set of pjs in the bathroom and put an empty basin next to my bed in case Mei threw up again.

Luckily my dark moments never last long because they are just too cute.

The other day Saitaoha asked me to play with her because ‘I has no one to play with’. I said ‘how about Xiu Xiu (her toy rabbit’?’ She gave me this incredulous look and said ‘but she’s a doll mummy 🙄.’ Oops.

Working from home Day 3

Saitaomei enjoying Gung Gung’s cut fruit for afternoon tea
The doting grandparents bought the lucky kids a playground set
She likes me to watch her play.
Gung Gung’s pretty rose bush.
Saitaoha at 4 years one month.
Don’t grow up so fast.

Working from home means spending more time with the kids and family.

It means I get to watch her play on her new playground set. Take pictures of her. I haven’t taken pictures of them in a long time.

Being sick is a pain. Being away from the office has its inconveniences. But working from home definitely had its perks.

Working from home

It’s been a while since I’ve worked from home. I forgot how nice it is to not have to rush to get ready for work, get the girls ready to go to GGMM’s and then rush to get on the next bus or train.

It’s nice working at the dining table and being distracted every now and then by the cute Saitaomei who stops by for a kiss or to show me her toy.

It’s nice being able to actually sit down and type something out without having a colleague coming by to chat with me or going from meeting to meeting.

It’s nice being able to cook a fresh lunch for the kids and the husband and also run the laundry.

Sigh all sorts of niceness about working from home but sadly I don’t see another working from home day in the near future. I was so surprised on Thursday when I checked my calendar and there were no meetings scheduled. ‘How can it be I have no meetings tomorrow?’ I wondered aloud. My lovely teammate then piped up and told me she had purposely tried to keep my Friday free so I could work from home.

‘Please work from home because I don’t think this can happen again in the next couple of months!’ she pleaded. Thank heavens for supportive teammates.

So yes, I’m enjoying my last working from home day whilst I can. Mei mei is riding on my legs as I speak, life is bliss 🙂

Daitaoha earns a living

I’ve been working rather long hours, coming home late and picking the kids up late. It’s always a gut wrenching moment for me when I hear the excited cries of ‘Mummy! Mummy!’ from behind the door when the girls realise that I’ve arrived to pick them up.

My ah ma is undergoing some health problems and is in pain as well. My heart aches when I see her tired face and I feel so bad that she still has to take care of my kids even though she’s not feeling well. I wish I could take time off from work but it’s a crucial period at work, I can barely clock off on time let alone take leave.

Achieving work life balance feels impossible at this stage. It’s Saitaoha’s birthday tomorrow and I haven’t had time to get her a birthday present let alone plan a party for her. We will be having a simple birthday gathering with family and I will cook her chicken soup and sua mee for lunch. I tell myself that this focus at work is worthwhile, it’s what I need to build the next stage of my career. My job has had to take a back seat for the past four years and now I’m trying to get back into the career ladder again.

What is a career and is it worth this sacrifice and the sacrifice of my parents? I’m really not sure. I don’t really care for the kudos at this stage, but I must say I want to earn more money. R says he’s pretty happy where we are now, but I want more. I don’t have the need for luxury goods or fast cars, but I would like to be in a place where I feel I can comfortably provide for my parents and my kids in the future. I want to buy first class tickets for my parents to visit my brother without blinking an eye, I would like to renovate their home or build a new one so it’s more comfortable and safe. So many wants. So many needs.

The next few months will be gruelling and I think I won’t get to see much of my family. I really hope I won’t regret this and my hard work pays off.

Last day

Lately I’ve lost mojo for work because of said difficult person and a boss that refuses to have hard conversations. It’s a situation that makes me question my own personality, working style and capabilities. Is it me? And that the other side of me is furious at having to question my integrity. I’ve prided myself on my work ethics and collaborative leadership style all throughout my career, so who are you to make me question myself?

At the end of the day, I realise this is my own internal shortcomings. I can’t change the situation or that person, but I can change how I deal with the situation. I thought about giving up and just leaving, but then I’ve changed my mind because if I leave, it means I am condoning this behaviour and saying if you behave badly enough, i am just going to give in and give up. Why would you give a lolly and reward a tantrumming spoilt child? I don’t do that to my kids so I won’t do that at the workplace too.

It’s such a good time to take a break and spend quality time with the family and kids! Last day of work before the holidays begin, I am so excited !!

Tired

What an exhausting and disappointing work day.

The flu like symptoms didn’t help and a very cranky sick toddler made me feel like pulling my hair out.

At least it’s Friday tomorrow, but I still have to go to work and deal with the problem that won’t go away. I wish my holiday was here already.

Breathe in and out. It’s a brand new day tomorrow. May it be a better one.

Hard stuff

My first meeting of the day is located at the other end of town where R works so I tumpang-ed his car to the meeting location. I arrived way too early so decided to have a coffee and organise my thoughts for the meeting.

Work has been emotionally taxing, office politics at an all time high. Lots of plotting and emotionally charged discussions. I think it wouldn’t be that bad if it weren’t for our passion for the project. It’s too important to walk away, yet sometimes it gets a bit too much and you just want to say I’ve had enough.

I’ve always witnessed office politics at the highest spectrum and managed to manoeuvre around it so I’m never directly involved. But this one is just hitting me right in the bullseye, and as much as I wanted to avoid the conflict, it was inevitable and I had THE talk on Friday. I’m not sure it amounted to much but a line in the sand was drawn. Enough with the treading on eggshells and circling around your feelings.

Sigh. Being hard is so hard.

New or old ?

I’m starting in a new role today except it feels like an old role because there are lots of familiar faces and it’s an area I used to be heavily involved in.

The task ahead is daunting and I’m nervous. But I like waking up in the day and feeling more invested and motivated in my job.

Time will tell whether it’s a bad move. But it was a move I felt I had to make or I would regret. Things happen for a reason so I hope this is a ‘good’ thing.

I wish my spine would miraculously heal on its own so I didn’t have to live life with an imaginary expiry date.

***

Funny things that Saitaoha says:

(Watching me tickle and play with Saitaomei) Mummy, can it be Saitaoha’s turn to be funny? Mummy can I be funny?

Mummy, can I do homework please? (passes me her phonics book) I am so busy mummy, I do homework!

Mummy, what shape is this? (Pointing at picture of bicycle wheel)

‘Er.. circle ?’ I answer.

Correct! Good job mummy!!

Mummy, can you read me a book?

I’m a bit tired Saitaoha, how about later?

You are NOT tired mummy! Can you read me a book?!

Interviews

Today I was on the panel for three interviews that felt like they would never end. Even though the process was painful , I reminded myself that I was lucky to be on the other side of the table. I’ve just agreed to be on the panel for two other job positions, seriously, I’ve got to learn to say no. I was also asked to mentor a staff member ‘what?! Are you sure she wants me as a mentor? What could she learn from me?!’ I exclaimed to my potential mentee’s boss. In the end I also agreed, on the condition that the mentee could reject her boss’s poor choice of her mentor if she didn’t want me 😅.

There are days when I miss my old job. Perhaps not that job itself, but the confidence that comes with the years of experience, the comfort of reliable teammates and the support of great bosses. I do enjoy the independence of my current role, but it does get lonely sometimes. I’m not quite sure what I’m doing or whether I’m doing it right, part and parcel of stepping into new territory I guess.

Ending with a cute (if I may say so) picture of Saitaomei in her new pjs. I’m missing her big sister tonight, I know her papa is missing her too. Ah well, we will have her tomorrow night and indulge ourselves with lots of hugs and kisses.

Working from home

Working from home today with Saitaoha. It brings back memories of when I first started working from home at the end of my first bout of maternity leave.

She was 7 months then and very cheeky. I remember she used to bang on my laptop and once took my work mobile and called a VIP 😅.

I used to send photos of my ‘work mate’ sitting next to me to my colleagues ☝️. My colleagues loved these photos and she developed quite a following.

This time round it’s a lot easier working from home with Saitaoha. Only because my parents have Saitaomei, my work is a lot less hectic and Saitaoha is now a little girl. Instead of banging on my laptop, she took great delight in pointing out all the numbers and alphabets on the keyboard ‘It’s W mummy! Look it’s W!’ She still likes sitting next to me while I work, she watches videos and snacks on nuts, every now or then turning to me to chatter. She also gets off her chair and cooks me a meal on her kitchen set when I’m peckish haha.

Again I’m struck by how lucky I am to have my girls and my family with me.


July 2020
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