Headache

I was so tempted to call in sick today. Saitaomei is teething again and only slept close to midnight. I thought she would sleep in since she started her night late but she woke up at 5.30am! I have a migraine that seems to be building up, hopefully a coffee will do the trick. Sigh.

***

Today ah pa told me that he teared when he dropped Saitaoha off at daycare. ‘She was so happy when she woke up, greeted all of us good morning, had her breakfast and was all dressed up and energetic for the day ahead. She said goodbye to ah ma, got into the car then realised we were bringing her to school. She suddenly scrambled off the car and ran indoors yelling for your ah ma and asking for 抱抱. Ah ma tried to comfort her with a chocolate frog but she still didn’t want to go. In the end I had to carry her to the car. I talked to her all the way in the car, I was afraid she would be upset but she was ok. But when we reached the daycare, she gave me back the chocolate frog that ah ma gave her, and she said to me, Gung Gung, go home. I couldn’t help it, I cried.’

😭😭😭

***

Guilty grandparents bought toys and books for this spoilt little girl who totally has her Gung Gung wrapped around her little finger.

This little girl got a new plate!

My girls are so so lucky.

***

Out of all the siblings, I think I am the most prepared for my grandmother’s eventual passing. I went back home not that long ago and managed to spend time with mah mah and say my farewells.

But my heart still feels so heavy. I know it’s inevitable and an end to mah mah’s suffering. Yet my heart still feels like it’s breaking. I ache for my father, that he is losing his mother who loved him very very much. I fear the day that my children, who share such a close and loving bond with grandparents, will lose their Gung Gung Mah Mah, like how I’m losing mine. I almost can’t bear the thought. It’s too painful to think about it and I am not sure I could ever survive it.

Sigh why do people have to grow old ?

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Grey

I’ve been feeling rather bleah for the past couple of days. I think it’s a combination of being unproductive at work, lack of sleep and fatigue, and feeling sad about my grandmother whose condition is deteriorating.

We had originally booked flights to go home in a few weeks. I was planning to take leave when my parents returned home anyway because I didn’t want to put Saitaomei in daycare. 8 months still feels too young for me and I don’t want to repeat Saitaoha’s situation where she went on a milk strike when we sent to her daycare at 7 months. Ah ma said why not go back with us since you’re on leave anyway? So I booked my tickets!

Then we received news about my mah mah, so ah pa is returning home this weekend while ah ma stays back till we fly out together. I am reminded of the sacrifice my parents are having to make by helping me take care of the kids. My father is away from his ailing mother, they are leaving their family home to the peril of strangers, leaving their familiar comfortable lifestyle and friends behind. Not to mention the financial burden of flying back and forth.

Yesterday a colleague asked me whether it was difficult leaving the kids behind to go to work. I told her honestly that it was ok because I know they’re receiving the best care and love with their grandparents. I said I wouldn’t even have considered having a second child if it wasn’t for my parents’ help.

During grey days like these, I’m thankful that I get to work from home and spend the day with Saitaoha. Her smiles never fail to cheer me up. I’m lucky that despite being annoyed with the situation at work, work still allows me to have a good work/life balance. It’s difficult to hold myself back and not take charge, but it really is the best time for me to cruise, observe and let nature takes its course. There is no way I could be this relaxed at work and after work if I was in my previous role.

Maintaining two households has brought a bit of financial pressure, but I’m still able to go on holidays, buy treats for my kids and have simple pleasures without feeling the strain.

I should be thankful and I am. I just hope we make it in time to farewell mah mah.

Daddy’s girls

Sigh I have to admit that my baby girl is no longer my baby. Why Saitaoha have you grown up so quickly ?

Never fear mummy! I am still a baby!

This Saitaomei was so happy to be awake during the World Cup final last night. She was supposed to be down for the night but woke up halfway πŸ˜”.

Another daddy’s girl in the making *shake head*.

Glad that Monday is almost over, only my third week and I already hate Mondays haha.

Dancing

Saitaomei loves music 🎢. She’s now drifting off to sleep with Bridge Over Troubled Waters playing in the background. Earlier she was still shrieking angrily because she couldn’t fall asleep, but once I put on The Carpenter’s We’ve Only Just Begun, it was like magic, she calmed down instantly and her eyelids started drooping. I think this girl will grow up loving the Oldies because that’s what her Gung Gung and Mah Mah love. In fact, we girls love the Oldies too because that’s what we grew up listening to. My friends used to laugh when I requested 邓丽君 during karaoke or tell them that I like Cliff Richard songs.

Yesterday Mah Mah was excitedly showing us this playlist of Oldies that her friend sent her, all her favourite songs. Before we knew it, we were dancing up a storm in the bedroom, my ah ma, my sister and I and the kids. Tristan and Saitaoha were delighted, ‘dancing !!! Mummy dancing!’ Saitaoha laughed while attempting to do the twist. Mah mah carried Saitaomei and twirled around with her. It’s been a while since I’ve seen Ah ma so excited and happy. They all laughed when I took off my coat because it was getting hot. Such a joyous moment and one I will tuck into my warm and fuzzy memory box forever.

My sister and ah ma made us poke bowl for dinner. Very nice too!

Ms Mak Kim Kim strikes again

Saitaomei ah… don’t you know it’s the weekend?? This means you can sleep in ok? More importantly, mummy wants to sleep in too!

But mummy, 6.00am is sleeping in for me, I’m usually up at 5.30am remember ? I gave you an extra half an hour lie in !

No need to thank me ok? I know I’m a good baby ☺️.

Simple pleasure is making your weekend kopi in a glass mug that resembles the ones used in Malaysia kopitiams πŸ˜€. I miss Kuching and Singapore but I’m going back soon! Hehehe.

TGIF

Hehehe πŸ˜‚

So glad it’s Friday! I was still groggy from the lack of sleep for the past two nights. Kids are sleeping terribly.

But the yummy lunch we had today made up for it! I met up with my nephew and sis for lunch, I love being able to hang out with my sis all the time so much. I hope she works in the city forever. The scallops were so good, we really want to come with my mum again.

Another favourite was seared salmon, yums.

Oh these gorgeous bunch of people that I used to work with. It was farewell drinks for the last member from my team, heartbreaking but I’m so happy for him because he’s chasing his dreams.

Met up with the family for a Pepper lunch dinner. This is Saitaoha’s serious aiji eating face.

Hehe her squinty grin.

Papa, I want aiji too!

Looking forward to the weekend with the kids. Please sleep well tonight, thank you πŸ™πŸ».

Working from home

Working from home today with Saitaoha. It brings back memories of when I first started working from home at the end of my first bout of maternity leave.

She was 7 months then and very cheeky. I remember she used to bang on my laptop and once took my work mobile and called a VIP πŸ˜….

I used to send photos of my ‘work mate’ sitting next to me to my colleagues ☝️. My colleagues loved these photos and she developed quite a following.

This time round it’s a lot easier working from home with Saitaoha. Only because my parents have Saitaomei, my work is a lot less hectic and Saitaoha is now a little girl. Instead of banging on my laptop, she took great delight in pointing out all the numbers and alphabets on the keyboard ‘It’s W mummy! Look it’s W!’ She still likes sitting next to me while I work, she watches videos and snacks on nuts, every now or then turning to me to chatter. She also gets off her chair and cooks me a meal on her kitchen set when I’m peckish haha.

Again I’m struck by how lucky I am to have my girls and my family with me.


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