Once Saitaoha asked me whether I liked being a mum. I told her that I only like being their mum.
They had a spectacular time this holiday. We spent endless hours in the pool and on the beach. It was nice spending time with my girls and also a good move to not bring any tablets with us this trip.
But I couldn’t help but feel that I was wrecked with worries throughout the holiday. I guess this happens even when we’re home in Perth, but it was magnified being in foreign surroundings e.g. when the kids had stomach pains during the drive down Genting to the airport.
They really had lots of fun in the sea, but I couldn’t relax because I was constantly watching them in case the waves got too big or rough. They are little fish nowadays but there are so many dangers lurking in the waters.
Saitaoha also asks me whether I love her. The answer is always yes, with this love, comes a lifetime of worries.
It’s been a jam packed holiday with more ups than downs. The up was exploring KL and Genting, places that I haven’t been to for a long long time and was pleasantly surprised with. I think we will return in the future now that we know the city a little better.
Another up was meeting up with Saitaoha and Saitaomei’s close classmates in KL. The parents are lovely people and the kids just had a whale of a time together.
R enjoyed spending time with WG and I like H immensely. The only downside to meeting them was their sick daughter who was sporting a really bad cough. My heart was sinking as I watched her cough escalate, I knew there was no way we could be immune from this. And truth to behold, R and I started to feel symptoms a couple of days in. Thankfully the kids may have dodged a bullet and I seem to have gotten the worst of it, as usual, my immune system lets me down again.
Another up was spending quality time with my daughters who are so big and 懂事 now. They are self sufficient (almost) and taking care of each other. It was heartwarming to see Saitaoha help Saitaomei to scan her ticket for the rides before scanning her own, teaching her how to drive a bumper car etc.
Speaking of bumper cars, the girls had like at least 8 rides on these ! Saitaomei was upset because she couldn’t get the steering right and kept turning in circles or getting stuck. She cried but refused to give up. And then she got it suddenly and was speeding away. She has such a competitive and never give up attitude, I love it.
Last photo I took of the girls on my phone before leaving my phone in the Gran taxi! It was madness afterwards because everything was on my phone and I couldn’t contact the driver since everything is reliant on my phone ! Arrrgh. I really tried my best not to freak out and just kept trying all different methods. Saitaoha even asked me ‘are you secretly panicking inside?’ I was glad that it meant I want panicking outwardly haha. I had a conviction I would get my phone back, and if I didn’t, it wasn’t the end of the world. I recently told someone that if you can’t change your circumstances, you can only change how you react to the circumstances. I was glad to put my own advice into practice.
One realisation that I had, I always thought that I was a disorganised non planner ( I still think that way) but yet, without my phone, the whole family was so reliant on me! I have all the bookings, I order the taxis, I have the wifi, I have the bank cards, flight and hotel details. I do everything for the holiday and this family. I don’t resent it, but I did wonder, did R come to the same realisation? What will they do when I drop dead one day ? I guess they will pick up the pieces. But life won’t be as smooth sailing ?
The kids have a real meal for once. The problem with holidays is the lack of routine and familiarity. Kids ate too much junk and irregularly, they had stomach pains coming down the windy path from Genting and I was so worried they caught food poisoning like the Singapore trip which wiped us out for days. Thankfully it was just the road trip and they recovered miraculously at the airport and were full of beans again.
Back in Kuching, first place for me is always Kenyalang. Love the familiarity of this old neighbourhood. We had to drive by my old family home and I almost wanted to close my eyes. But I didn’t and thankfully, the waves of grief didn’t come as I expected but I did feel a pang of sadness. I don’t recognise the derelict house which is probably at the beginning of refurbishment stage. I told R I hope they demolish the entire house because I don’t want to ever associate my childhood memories with the new owners. The family house is no longer ours but the memories are ours to hold forever.
Parents in law are the same as ever. United as ever but squabbling and annoyed with other haha. Perhaps this is what R and I will be like when we are older, we are probably a little bit like that already. I know R is really relishing being with his parents and being at home, this is his sanctuary, this is his comfort zone.
His family’s palate, habits, lifestyle are unlike my family’s. In the early years I mourned my lost Kuching lifestyle and missed my siblings, parents and home when I was back in Kuching. I was sad that I didn’t get to eat the food I enjoyed or go to the places I wanted to go to in Kuching. But I no longer feel that way. Because for the most part of the year, it is the other way around for R. My family are in Perth, he conforms to our way of life, our habits, our palate (even though I would say I think we are pretty accomodating). I’m sure there are many things that we do that grate on him since it wasn’t the way he was brought up. So for a mere few weeks, why would I insist on going my way?
Now I try to enjoy and appreciate everything that his parents do for me. But I also am more firm in making my preferences known, especially for my children. I think we’ve reached a comfortable equilibrium.
Half the holiday is already over and I’m quite sad about it. Will try to make the most of it and enjoy everyday.
daitaoha 