I’m not sure how I feel about the news. Devastated? Maybe. Resigned. A bit. Furious? Maybe. I think I’m mostly sad. Sad that our hard work has gone down the drain. Sad because I wonder whether I could have changed things if I had stayed. Sad for my ex colleagues and team mates who must now be in a world of pain.
I’m not sure what it means for me or my future in my industry. In the long term, probably nothing much. I feel glad that I’m not too anxious about it, I think there will always be a job for me somewhere and I know my own worth. Does this mean I’ve grown in confidence? Maybe in some aspects. I don’t think I will ever be fully confident about myself or think that I’m good enough. The self doubt will always remain, but I was hoping over time it would subside.
Scarily I see this in Saitaoha and I’m worried I’ve passed on my lack of confidence to her, in fact, I’m fuelling it. I really need to get better at making her feel that just by being herself she is more than enough and she is wonderful as she is.
The world is so much bigger out there. My worries now are insignificant in the bigger scheme of things. I need to remember that.
daitaoha 