In laws in town

My in laws have been in town for the past two weeks. Prior to them coming I was dreading all the clean up and also all of us squeezing into our small house, I was hoping it wouldn’t be too uncomfortable for all of us. Luckily it’s all been good and time has flown by. The kids love having both sets of grandparents to spoil them and my in laws seem to be enjoying themselves despite us not taking time off work to bring them around. I think partly it’s because my ‘village’ have been very welcoming with my parents and siblings all being very lovely hosts.

The crazy girl who changed between green and blue all night when she was supporting the Matildas’ women’s World Cup.

Grateful for home cooked dinners every night. My fil’s cooking is very different from mine so it’s nice to have a change and also nice to not have to cook dinner :).

My pretty made up girl had her first dance concert. We couldn’t spot her during the performance because there were so many kids but I hope she had lots of fun nevertheless.

Hello Emma, this year’s book week.

My giraffe, her class had Lion King as the class theme. Her papa made the tail and sewed it on her pants.

Feels like it’s been all very full on and busy, I’m hoping our holidays come soon, I think I’ll be ready for one by the time it comes around.

Universe

Everytime I read the news I feel miserable and sad. There’s also anger at the journalists who have no idea what they’re writing about and the politicians who don’t care about anything but the polls. Perhaps the answer is to not read the news, but I rather be in the know than be ignorant. But that might not be the best move for my mental health.

But then amidst the waves of frustration and misery, I have a constant reminder of the positives in life, my bright sparks and source of happiness and comfort. How I wish I could put them in my pocket and carry them to work haha.

We’re all down with a bad cold now and I’ve managed to lose my voice. Which may be the universe telling me to stop talking or listening to the outer world for a while and just focus on myself and my family.

How do I feel

I’m not sure how I feel about the news. Devastated? Maybe. Resigned. A bit. Furious? Maybe. I think I’m mostly sad. Sad that our hard work has gone down the drain. Sad because I wonder whether I could have changed things if I had stayed. Sad for my ex colleagues and team mates who must now be in a world of pain.

I’m not sure what it means for me or my future in my industry. In the long term, probably nothing much. I feel glad that I’m not too anxious about it, I think there will always be a job for me somewhere and I know my own worth. Does this mean I’ve grown in confidence? Maybe in some aspects. I don’t think I will ever be fully confident about myself or think that I’m good enough. The self doubt will always remain, but I was hoping over time it would subside.

Scarily I see this in Saitaoha and I’m worried I’ve passed on my lack of confidence to her, in fact, I’m fuelling it. I really need to get better at making her feel that just by being herself she is more than enough and she is wonderful as she is.

The world is so much bigger out there. My worries now are insignificant in the bigger scheme of things. I need to remember that.