My last week of holiday has been totally busted by the side effects from my Moderna booster shot. Had I known the side effects would be so great so much as to render me useless and stuck in bed, I would have gone for the Pfizer. But who knows ? The effect might have been the same.
It’s been a long while since I’ve had a fever, migraine and fatigue, so I had forgotten what it feels like. This bout of sickness reminded me of the days when I had chronic pain from my prolapsed discs. The long nights of tossing and turning, moving from room to room to couch, trying to beat the pain out of your body, being in a fog and feeling desperate and angry. I really don’t do well when I am sick.
It makes me angry because it was my kids’ first week of school and I had a long list of to do tasks to accomplish and I hardly did anything! Instead I watched from the sidelines and witnessed my parents having to pick up my slack again. I don’t know how my parents did it or do it, but it can’t be anything but sheer grit, will and love. They must be so tired all the time. I am eternally grateful, saddened and shamed by it at the same time. I am so mad at R because I feel he’s not doing his part, either he doesn’t know how to or just won’t, but it grates at me and this illness makes me just want to hurl things at his skull.
Why am I such a lousy parent and a lousy daughter ? I really must do better and not just say I will do better but actually do it. Saitaoha has more homework now as a primary student, I must set aside time every night to go through her reading and spelling with her. I just hope I don’t get consumed by work and become impatient and exhausted by the time I get home from work. All the more reason why I need to concentrate on finding a new job with better work life balance this year. Wish me luck.
daitaoha 