Old times new times

Last night I dreamt of my old workmates. We were gathering for drinks, catching up after such a long time of not working together, the camaraderie, the jokes and banter, the warm friendship and kindness were still there. Then one of the guys disappeared and turns out he went outside to plant a flag with the emblem of our old organisation. I woke up feeling teary and with such a sense of loss.

That’s when I decided I wouldn’t go in to work today. The night before I was doing the usual devil πŸ‘Ώ vs angel πŸ˜‡ debate on whether to call in sick because well, I am pretty sick and so are the kids. Despite knowing that my coughing, sneezing and sniffling self wouldn’t be welcomed in the office, I always feel guilty about not going in to work.

The whole day I felt useless, unproductive and lethargic. I thought I should start up the laptop to do some work, but I ended up playing with Saitaoha and watching mindless drama instead. I just can’t get excited about the work I do, arrggh. I’m going to try again tomorrow but it’s going to be an uphill battle.

On the bright side, Saitaoha was an angel today. Surprisingly it was R who commented that she would probably respond better with positive affirmations during meal times. My impatience and temper has not gone unnoticed πŸ˜‘. So I tried that today and she was a delight.

It’s difficult not to feel down when you’re sick. Especially when it’s no longer about you and more about how you’re worried you will infect the kids. Sometimes I long for the days when you’re only responsible for yourself. Then there moments like tonight when my girls snuggled up to me and we watched videos together. The sisters were holding hands and their little heads were resting against my chest. Then I thought ‘this is all worth it’.

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