Archive for December, 2018

Lucky grandchildren

Saitaomei had her one year old immunisation jabs today. Three of them, poor thing. She wailed and flinched at each jab, my poor ah pa who volunteered to hold her whilst each jab was administered, winced visibly at each jab too. When I recounted the story to ah ma, she laughed and told me that ah pa never accompanied her to any of our immunisation jabs or check ups when we were kids. That’s how lucky my kids and I are.

With R’s job nature and his workaholic nature, I went to a lot of Saitaoha’s checkups and immunisation jabs by myself. I disliked these appointments because it meant a lot of stressing and planning on my part. I wasn’t and am still not the most confident driver and hated getting to and fro these appointments.

My life turned for the better when my parents arrived. Ah pa drove me and accompanied me to so many of these check ups. I remember sometimes ah ma would come along too and I was so relaxed when they were around.

With my poor health these past couple of years, ah pa also drove me to many of my medical appointments. Most of the time he would stay with me but lately with the frequency of my appointments, I asked him to go home first and pick me up later.

This driving back and forth is not something I take for granted. My dear ah pa is not a very confident driver on foreign roads but he will always offer to drive me everywhere as long as it’s for us.

I just sometimes weigh myself down with guilt because I worry about being such a burden to my parents. I am better but I’m far from 100%. I am never in comfort but I thank heavens that at least I’m no longer in agonising pain. I am so impatient to get well because I want to take some of the load of my parents, I want them to stop worrying for me, I want to stop worrying about them. It’s such a vicious cycle isn’t it ?

Sometimes I wish my kids would hurry go up so they can be more independent and self sufficient. But today whilst putting Saitaomei to bed, I realised that for quite some time, she no longer wants to be cradled and rocked to sleep. I felt a huge pang of loss and knew instantly that my baby was no longer a baby.

It almost makes you want to have another baby, just to have another baby again. But I know my parents wouldn’t survive supporting another grandchild and I probably can’t survive without their support too. So that thought is smothered and hopefully won’t surface again.


Tristan is 6

My nephew is six years old today! I believe he had a fantastic birthday as his doting mummy took the day off to bring him out for a day of fun.

They ended the day at my parents’ house where we all had yummy takeaway pizza, Korean fried chicken and birthday cake of course.

I didn’t take any pictures because I was helping my sister to man her camera.

But here is one of a determined looking Saitaomei who was really eyeing the birthday cake.

Of course she had a bite or two! Tamchiak baby. She’s always hovering around my ah pa’s legs when he’s cutting fruit, hoping to get a bite. She needn’t worry because flying Gung Gung will have prepared her bite size pieces of fruit. My kids have the best lives really.

So no pictures of birthday boy, but heres wishing the little boy the best of health and an abundance of happiness :).

The baby sleeps

The baby is finally asleep, hopefully for the night. Earlier she tossed and turned, giggled and whined, flopping around like a sleepy drunkard. I’ve actually missed this scene, it’s been almost two weeks since this girl has slept with me at night. A very very long two weeks made longer because there were days when I lay immobile in bed, wondering whether I would ever walk again, whether life would ever be normal again.

Thankfully, I’m slowly making my way back there. Today is another milestone because I can put Saitaomei to bed again. I can stop worrying that my parents are not getting enough sleep and rest.

In the weeks where it felt like life had come to a halt, Saitaomei started walking with confidence. She is now traipsing all over the place and it’s so cute to watch.

My fairy princess who is mighty pleased with the wings she scored from yee yee. She is very excited because it’s her favourite Tristan Koko’s birthday tomorrow. She keeps practising on us and saying happy birthday 🎁. Just like that, my dearest nephew is 6 years old. Time really flies. The little baby that I carried in my arms is now a grown up little boy, my baby is now walking. Life is so sweet but so short.

I feel like I’ve been given a lifeline to appreciate everyone and everything around me. Despite much apprehension, I braved it to the shopping centre today with both kids in tow. It turned out to be a very pleasant excursion and even R commented that I lasted very long and walked a lot. I enjoyed being with my family so much, dinner at Pepper lunch was also a joy.

This one had a taste of icecream 😅.

I think she’s a fan.

Thankful for a lovely Sunday. It’s so nice to have my baby sleeping next to me again. As I kissed her tummy and she burst into giggles, I felt so happy to be alive and so thankful for my kids and my family.

Yay It’s Friday

I was happy today because we brought mei mei and Saitaoha out to the shops. And it was after I made breakfast for hubs/Saitaoha and lunch for the older kids and ah pa too. Simple fare like Saitaoha’s favourite corn and mushrooms, olive oil pasta and chicken nachos. But I guess I just felt happy because it felt more like an ordinary day of my past.

Even better when we brought Saitaomei home with us after shopping. Even Saitaoha was surprised and said ‘mei mei go to Gung Gung Mah Mah house??’

Seeing this baby (ok not baby anymore but she’s still a baby to me) walk around the house was so surreal. I’ve missed her being at home with us so much 😭.

She was happy to be reunited with her rabbit.

Saitaoha is so much more gwai when it’s just us at home. She acts up a lot more when there are too many grown ups, too much attention. We had fun today and she had a restful day for a change.

A good day with hopefully more to come.

My little mei mei

Check out my new shoes !

Mummy did you see the nice new shoes that mah mah bought for me?

I really like them !

Hehe I’m so happy to be going out in my new shoes 🙂

Sigh looking at these photos make me miss mei mei so much. She’s walking really well nowadays and was so chuffed with her new shoes today.

I know I shouldn’t be impatient with my recovery rate considering I was in so much pain and bed bound not that long ago, but now just my mind is alert, it’s so frustrating that my physical self is so lacking.

Must be patient must be patient x10 mantra.

Music loving Saitaomei

She was totally grooving when Gung Gung played his guitar.

See, baby so happy.

I wish Saitaoha and Saitaomei could retain their childhood memories and remember how loved and well taken care of they were by their grandparents.

Having lost one grandparent and slowly losing my grandmother has made me think about life and death a lot. Life is really too too short and I count my blessings that I’m able to be with my parents everyday.

I guess that’s why my slow recovery is so annoying because there’s so much more I want to do for my family and I physically can’t! Like I want to cook rendang for ah pa because he liked the one I cooked during Saitaomei’s birthday party, but I’m hampered physically because I struggle at the shops and I tire so easily nowadays. It’s like aaaarrrrgh but I have to force myself to rest and stop when I start feeling it in my back because I can’t risk being bedridden and regressing again.

Sigh. R and I were just discussing what a year it has been. To my amazement he doesn’t think it was a bad year, just an ‘eventful’ one. He reminded me that it was stressful because there were many big events, but there were also positive results from these events, like us buying another place, my parents getting permanent residency, Saitaomei.

I told him I hope there’s less ‘events’ in 2019, I would like to just relax, enjoy life and cruise with my family and loved ones next year! Less events is ok by me 🙂 I just want all of us to be happy and healthy.

Parenting woes

Saitaoha has been rather trying of late. I’m not sure whether it’s because she’s overstimulated playing with her favourite LG jeje since it’s school holidays, or whether we’ve been spoiling her with too many sweet treats and toys, or a combination of both? She’s become this demanding, whiny kid who cries at the drop of a hat if things don’t go her way. I’m constantly scolding her, disciplining her and it just gets tiring. Part of me thinks she’s also acting up to get my attention because I’ve been bed ridden and m.i.a. for so long.

I feel exhausted at the end of the day and a little sad that I have spent so little time with Saitaomei because her older sister takes up so much attention.

I also feel that we expect so much from Saitaoha sometimes, like tonight she had a meltdown because she wanted milk before sleep but her papa refused to give her milk because she had already had milk earlier and brushed her teeth. I know we should wean her off bedtime milk because it’s bad for her teeth, but gosh sometimes I think she’s just two, can’t we give her a break? But I go along with it because we’re a team and I would be fed up if I set rules and R didn’t back me up.

Anyway in the end she accepted water. As she drank her water in bed and swallowed her sniffles, I went over to her, smoothed her brow and kissed her goodnight. I am always disciplining her, sometimes I’m afraid she will only remember me as angry mummy. So I kissed her, and said I love you. She smiled and whispered ‘mummy, tomorrow buy milk’. At that moment I just wanted to get her a bottle of milk 😭.

Parenting is hard.

Being a mummy is hard.

I am better but still far from well. I had such difficulty walking today, stiff leg and stiff back.

The girls enjoyed their playground time so much but I had to cut their time short because to be honest, my back was killing me. Saitaoha needed help getting up and down the slides etc and I was struggling. Oh how I miss my old mobile self.

Saitaomei is still not going home with me at night and that makes me sad because I miss being with her and sleeping with her. I am trying to take it easy as much as possible because I just want to recover so I can be with my girls as soon as possible.

Today when we got home, there was a vase of flowers at my doorstep. It was get well soon flowers from Jaso, my dear friend! I don’t have many close friends, but the ones I do have are really such gems and I treasure every one of them. When the chips are down, I can count on everyone of them. So really despite being very unlucky this year, I still am very lucky 🍀 to have such lovely friends!

I’ve been thinking that a household cannot do without a super mum and how our household would collapse without ah ma. Even when I was down, our unfolded laundry piled up, R ran out of lunch bentos and ate dinner that ah ma cooked everyday. The shoulders of supermums are so heavy, weighed down by the daily responsibilities of looking after the needs of their loved ones. Ah ma is not only looking after ah pa, me and my kids nowadays, she will be handling all the grandkids this school holidays ( even though I’m first to admit the older kids are easy to look after and my kids are the worst!). I just feel so worried for her heavy shoulders, gosh I must book her in for a full body massage and pamper session when this is over. Please ah my lousy body, get well soon and stop being a burden thank you very much !

December 2018
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