Saitaoha has been rather trying of late. I’m not sure whether it’s because she’s overstimulated playing with her favourite LG jeje since it’s school holidays, or whether we’ve been spoiling her with too many sweet treats and toys, or a combination of both? She’s become this demanding, whiny kid who cries at the drop of a hat if things don’t go her way. I’m constantly scolding her, disciplining her and it just gets tiring. Part of me thinks she’s also acting up to get my attention because I’ve been bed ridden and m.i.a. for so long.
I feel exhausted at the end of the day and a little sad that I have spent so little time with Saitaomei because her older sister takes up so much attention.
I also feel that we expect so much from Saitaoha sometimes, like tonight she had a meltdown because she wanted milk before sleep but her papa refused to give her milk because she had already had milk earlier and brushed her teeth. I know we should wean her off bedtime milk because it’s bad for her teeth, but gosh sometimes I think she’s just two, can’t we give her a break? But I go along with it because we’re a team and I would be fed up if I set rules and R didn’t back me up.
Anyway in the end she accepted water. As she drank her water in bed and swallowed her sniffles, I went over to her, smoothed her brow and kissed her goodnight. I am always disciplining her, sometimes I’m afraid she will only remember me as angry mummy. So I kissed her, and said I love you. She smiled and whispered ‘mummy, tomorrow buy milk’. At that moment I just wanted to get her a bottle of milk ๐ญ.
Parenting is hard.
Being a mummy is hard.
I am better but still far from well. I had such difficulty walking today, stiff leg and stiff back.
The girls enjoyed their playground time so much but I had to cut their time short because to be honest, my back was killing me. Saitaoha needed help getting up and down the slides etc and I was struggling. Oh how I miss my old mobile self.
Saitaomei is still not going home with me at night and that makes me sad because I miss being with her and sleeping with her. I am trying to take it easy as much as possible because I just want to recover so I can be with my girls as soon as possible.
Today when we got home, there was a vase of flowers at my doorstep. It was get well soon flowers from Jaso, my dear friend! I don’t have many close friends, but the ones I do have are really such gems and I treasure every one of them. When the chips are down, I can count on everyone of them. So really despite being very unlucky this year, I still am very lucky ๐ to have such lovely friends!
I’ve been thinking that a household cannot do without a super mum and how our household would collapse without ah ma. Even when I was down, our unfolded laundry piled up, R ran out of lunch bentos and ate dinner that ah ma cooked everyday. The shoulders of supermums are so heavy, weighed down by the daily responsibilities of looking after the needs of their loved ones. Ah ma is not only looking after ah pa, me and my kids nowadays, she will be handling all the grandkids this school holidays ( even though I’m first to admit the older kids are easy to look after and my kids are the worst!). I just feel so worried for her heavy shoulders, gosh I must book her in for a full body massage and pamper session when this is over. Please ah my lousy body, get well soon and stop being a burden thank you very much !
daitaoha 