Magic window

Yelled at Saitaoha today.

Almost yelled at R too. Why is my family so reliant on me?!

😭😭😭. I just wish my parents were back already.


Everyday I’m like Cinderella and have this small window when the fairy godmother waves her wand and I magically feel better and can function like a human being. During those magical hours, I cook a simple dinner, feed the kids (who also magically change from their refusing to eat selves to become foodie angels), bathe Saitaoha and play with the kids.

For a few hours I feel sane, normal and like a mother and wife again. I’m able to joke with R, eat my only meal for the day and prep for the night ahead. Saitaoha loves this magical time the best, for a short time, she gets her mummy back. I hope kids have short term memory and if I get past this ordeal, that she is able to forget her barking mad, snapping and teary mummy who is either groaning in pain or gasping in tears.


I love showering with Saitaoha, it’s our girly ritual.

When I wipe her down with her bear hoodie towel, she always giggles and says ‘hi mummy bear!’

‘Hi Saitaoha bear!’ I replied.

‘I’m not Saitaoha bear, I’m baby bear!’ she said today.

‘Oh ok, hi baby bear’ I said

‘Wah Wah Wah’ Saitaoha fake cries like a baby.

‘What happens when mummy bear cries ?’ I asked her suddenly, thinking of the tears this morning.

She stops play acting and looks at me seriously. She reaches out her little hands and caresses my face ‘Don’t worry mummy bear, it’s ok…’

Then she gave me a kiss and a hug.

Thank you Saitaoha, mummy bear really needed that today πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•.


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December 2018
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