Archive for November 29th, 2018

Day 2

I am nothing without my family.

I underestimated the healing process that would come with the cortisone injection. I was hoping I would be one of those lucky ones that has immediate relief after the injection. Alas it was not to be. In fact, I think I’m one of the unlucky ones that has to go through intense pain before relief starts kicking in. Just my luck. I just hope the relief does kick in, or else all this pain will be for nothing.

I’ve been in and out of hospitals so much this past few years. I would say this hospital procedure was one of the worst, not because of the doctors or nurses or the procedure itself, they were great and seamless. It was because I was sooo exhausted from the lack of sleep. The night before I had zilch sleep because of the pain. I took naughty Saitaomei who refused to sleep from my parents at 3am, and stayed in the living room with her till I had to go to the hospital around 5.30am. My poor ah pa, I kept asking him to go to sleep, reassuring him that I was ok with Saitaomei. But he kept coming out with blankets, and jackets, worried that we would be cold.

I sometimes wonder what I would do if my parents were not here. I’m not sure I would survive or want to survive.

So when we went to the hospital, I was in intense pain because I had to stop talking painkillers before the procedure. It was agony to sit in the moving car, like a cramp that wouldn’t stop. When we reached the admission room, I was the only black haired patient, everyone was elderly 😞. Am I the youngest patient with this condition?

I kept willing the procedure to hurry go ahead because I was looking forward to be knocked out! Yes, that’s how crazy the constant pain and fatigue has made me.

I was so dismayed when I woke up to find that my leg was still painful. Wasn’t it supposed to be fixed straightaway? My blood pressure was unusually high, I could have told the puzzled nurse that it’s from the months of no sleep and constant pain. The pain when I got off the hospital bed and went to the toilet was so intense I teared and cried all the way to the toilet. Luckily the nurses were all so kind and R was there too. They quickly asked for my painkillers and I started feeling better.

My parents flew out the night before . I know they are so worried for me, I feel so sorry that I have caused them so much worry.

I woke up on the second day in agony, my leg felt like it was on fire, R was so shocked to see my pain and quickly passed me my meds. Luckily my sister took carers leave to look after me and the kids.

I still remember a couple of years ago when I had gallstones and was in pain and throwing up every hour. R had gone off to work and I didn’t know how I was going to look after Saitaoha who was only four months old. I called my sister sobbing for help. Immediately she left work, and both my sisters turned up at my doorstep, hustled me to bed and looked after my baby.

Well my saviour did it again. She played with the kids, Saitaoha especially was so happy that yee yee was there. She bathed them, fed them.

We had a picnic of Ubereats Nandos which was such a novelty for Saitaoha. They were so happy.

She stayed all the way till she had to go pick HC from work. And even then she took Saitaoha with her, lessening my workload, but Saitaomei is easy nowadays anyway.

She came back with yummy Lin’s cuisine for dinner, it was a fun dinner and I felt so much better than the start of the day.

I believe it was because I could truly rest knowing my sister would take care of the kids. I trust her completely like how I trust my parents completely. If I’m honest, I’m not sure I trust my own husband that much, isn’t that sad?

I slept. I really did! I slept so deeply that I was shocked when I woke up to see it was nearing lunchtime. I have really forgotten what it feels like to fall asleep and wake up.

What will tomorrow bring? Will my condition improve over time? I can only pray and hope so. But this post is just a reminder to never take my family for granted, to remind myself that I’m so lucky to have family that I can always count on in my time of need.

I may be going through my darkest times, but my family will always lead me towards the light.

November 2018
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