Sleepless in Perth

Deer caught in the headlights. It was midnight or possibly 1am at this point, I was so tired. But Saitaomei was still very 精神. She was unsettled for the rest of the night and still woke up at 5.30!

As the clock ticked along and the baby refused to sleep, I started getting anxious because it was nearing dawn and I had to get ready for work in a couple of hours. I thought to myself ‘I can’t do this’. Don’t worry, these thoughts of desperation only hit during the wee hours of the morning when I’ve had continuous sleepless nights. They usually dissipate by the morning when the baby smiles at me.

Like this ❤️❤️❤️.

Sometimes when my parents take Saitaomei for the night, I’m so so scared to msg my mum in the morning to ask how Saitaomei or Saitaoha was for the night. When the words ‘slept very badly’ or ‘didn’t sleep at all’ appear on my screen, my heart just sinks. Sometimes I think I should just stop asking because the guilt is crushing. But I still do, always hoping it was a good night and my parents got some sleep.

Ok I’m going to crash now at 7.30pm. One hour and I’ll get up to pump. I love my girls but some days I wish I could take a day’s leave from parenthood.

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September 2018
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