Archive for July 19th, 2018

Headache

I was so tempted to call in sick today. Saitaomei is teething again and only slept close to midnight. I thought she would sleep in since she started her night late but she woke up at 5.30am! I have a migraine that seems to be building up, hopefully a coffee will do the trick. Sigh.

***

Today ah pa told me that he teared when he dropped Saitaoha off at daycare. ‘She was so happy when she woke up, greeted all of us good morning, had her breakfast and was all dressed up and energetic for the day ahead. She said goodbye to ah ma, got into the car then realised we were bringing her to school. She suddenly scrambled off the car and ran indoors yelling for your ah ma and asking for 抱抱. Ah ma tried to comfort her with a chocolate frog but she still didn’t want to go. In the end I had to carry her to the car. I talked to her all the way in the car, I was afraid she would be upset but she was ok. But when we reached the daycare, she gave me back the chocolate frog that ah ma gave her, and she said to me, Gung Gung, go home. I couldn’t help it, I cried.’

😭😭😭

***

Guilty grandparents bought toys and books for this spoilt little girl who totally has her Gung Gung wrapped around her little finger.

This little girl got a new plate!

My girls are so so lucky.

***

Out of all the siblings, I think I am the most prepared for my grandmother’s eventual passing. I went back home not that long ago and managed to spend time with mah mah and say my farewells.

But my heart still feels so heavy. I know it’s inevitable and an end to mah mah’s suffering. Yet my heart still feels like it’s breaking. I ache for my father, that he is losing his mother who loved him very very much. I fear the day that my children, who share such a close and loving bond with grandparents, will lose their Gung Gung Mah Mah, like how I’m losing mine. I almost can’t bear the thought. It’s too painful to think about it and I am not sure I could ever survive it.

Sigh why do people have to grow old ?

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