Archive for March 11th, 2018

Angry mummy

The calm after the storm.

Saitaoha in a contemplative mood after a terrible two tantrum of epic proportion. What was the trigger? She struggled to open her water bottle. Yep. That was it, cue a storm of tears and demanding of milk. I knew she didn’t need or want the milk, asking for milk is her go to comfort action, similar to her dummy or Xiu Xiu. I still made the milk anyway, to have her reject it with a toss of her tear streaked head.

It brought out the red eyed monster in me. The one that snaps and loses her temper and snarls at her 2 year old who really just needed a nap after a really bad night. Sometimes I feel that motherhood has morphed me into someone so alien and unpalatable. I am impatient, I get irrationally angry, I can’t control my temper at all. I don’t even recognise myself anymore. What kind of horrible mother am I?

Some days I think I can do this. Today I stared at my Saitaoha who lay quietly in her cot and stared back at me with her round, doleful eyes, eyelashes still wet from the earlier crying fit. I silently told her that I was sorry in my heart, she closed her eyes and fell asleep.

Some days I think I can do this. Today my feet hurt, my head hurts and my heart aches.

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