28 weeks

I’m alive! It really has been too long since I’ve blogged from this space, I’ve been blogging daily using Dayre, but it’s just not the same. Dayre is great for microblogging and when you’re on the go, I write when I’m on the train, or when we’re in the car, it captures snippets of the day, but it doesn’t really capture my thoughts or emotions as fully as a real long blog post.

I thought about blogging when I passed my first trimester, it felt right that I should blog about the next phase of my life on the blog that has been accompanying me all these years. But for some reason, I resisted. I think it’s because the pregnancy to me is such a private matter, in fact, up to now many friends still don’t know about it and I haven’t felt the need to shout it from the top of the world. The pregnancy journey has been interesting, for the past couple of years, even though I knew my ‘biological clock was ticking’ and everyone under the sun would ask ‘when are you planning to have kids’, I’ve always felt quite comfortable with saying we’re not ready yet. Really, I was the one that wasn’t ready. Work was so busy, I wanted to enjoy it just being two of us, and most of all, having watched my two sisters’ journeys, I knew what it meant if we were to take the next step. It’s hard work and it’s forever. You can’t change your mind halfway and say ‘take back the kid’, even with marriages nowadays, people get divorced so easily, but you can’t ever divorce from your kids can you?

The pregnancy as I predicted wasn’t as smooth running as I hoped it would be. There was the down syndrone high risk scare, there was my gallstone removal (I feel so cheated of the wonderwoman 2nd trimester scare because of that!). For the first time in my life I was hospitalised and wheeled around in a hospital bed, went for an MRI scan (they let you watch Family Guy while you’re in that coffin thing!) and was put under to have a ‘procedure’ to get rid of that little bugger. Now that I’m in the final trimester, there are millions of doctor appointments, child birth classes and I am very behind on nursery preparation. I can genuinely say I’ve hardly bought anything for saitaoha (my mother gave her that nickname, apt right haha) and have read half a baby book. I have been accompanied by this great pregnancy app which I’ve read is considered very old school (because it was one of the very early ones and there are new fangled cooler apps out there nowadays) but I love it. Everyday I have a quick read to see what’s happening with the baby, sage advice on forums from other mums, and it’s also the way I keep track of what week I’m at (-____-)”. It’s not very reliable especially when they use a fruit to describe the baby’s size, baby is supposed to be the size of an eggplant this week, but hey, do you mean those teeny Lebanese eggplants or the huge giant ones that are found in Australia?? Take it with a grain of salt lah.

The weight gain is a worry for me. I just really pray that I will be able to lose the weight when saitaoha is out. I miss wearing nice dresses and having a waist (T____T). It’s also quite alarming to see all the weight that I lost over the years through diet and exercise just pile on. I have to be honest, my work life was getting so bad pre pregnancy that I was comfort eating too much anyway.

I always knew pregnancy wasn’t easy even though other women at work looked like they were breezing through it (I probably just never realised they might have been struggling). I just didn’t realise how scary it was going to be, and how fragile. A very close friend had a miscarriage during this time, and it was painful and heartbreaking to watch. Life felt very fragile and I found myself hoping to get pass each week smoothly because every extra week means a stronger chance of survival. It’s quite morbid isn’t it? But it’s not all negative, I’ve had so much support from my family and friends. Even though I haven’t bought anything for saitaoha, I also haven’t felt the massive need to because everynow and then Jo would drop by with a parcel of ‘something the baby will need’, or Jan would tell me ‘I have two sets of xx, don’t buy, baby can choose which one she prefers’. My mother whatsapps me to tell me what other miscellanous thing she’s bought for saitaoha, I think the other day it was baby nail clippers. My family know when to fuss and cluck, but they also knew when I needed my space and hovered in the background, not saying anything but showing their support with the gesture of homecooked soup.

R has been so supportive too. I’ve gotten so used to the workaholic always being so busy with his appointments, professional development training and courses, I sort of settled myself on being on this journey semi alone. But it was the opposite, he’s been to every doctor’s appointment with me, was there everynight to visit at the hospital, was a shoulder to cry on during the tough times, we were in it together and are in this together for life. That’s pretty amazing.

So saitaoha, stay happy and healthy ok? There are so many amazing people for you to meet when you come out, you will have the most wonderful grandparents, aunties, uncles and papa to spend your life with. And yes, you’ll have me too. I’m not that great but I’ll try my best and that’s a pact ya?

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2 Responses to “28 weeks”


  1. 1 Ah Ma November 28, 2015 at 4:36 pm

    Wah, finally you write something here ! This is more private , I like it.😊

  2. 2 J November 30, 2015 at 7:07 pm

    Ive been reading Dayre during my breaks at work and I have been secretly coming back to this blog hoping for it to be updated. Motherhood is never an easy thing but somehow I knew when I first met you that you will one day make a great mum! I hope saitaoha will become just like you when she grows up 🙂


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