When my very first manager (I’m now on my fourth in 2 years) left the organisation, he refused to let me arrange a farewell morning tea for him. He said that he had no one that he wanted to say farewell to and he didn’t feel like celebrating ‘5 years of not achieving anything’.

I remember telling A that I never wanted to get into that situation of hopelessness, of losing faith and belief in the system.

But lately I’ve been falling into that rut. It’s getting more difficult to get out of bed and go to work. Only my sense of professionalism forces me out of bed to face my desk in the morning. I concoct and fantasize about mystery illnesses to call in sick. Coffees have become my daily highlights and I take long walks to every destination that keeps me out of the office.

A told me ‘ if you’re in that situation, the key is to not stay there and whine about it, just get out’.

So I am following his advice but it’s taking some time to get there. Meanwhile I’m twitching my feet and tapping my fingers restlessly, my heart is screaming ‘get me out of here!’ and I feel not sad, but angry every day. Angry at the happenings around me, at colleagues that are leaving in droves because they are unappreciated and not valued by a bunch of corporate bigwigs.

Today something happened to my fav lunch buddy T that kept me spewing all day. I couldn’t even comfort her because I was so angry myself that I had to walk out of the door.

I just need to get out.


3 Responses to “Prison”

  1. 1 mum January 27, 2010 at 8:32 am

    What happened?

  2. 2 Jaso February 1, 2010 at 12:29 pm

    Hey Di!

    I understand 100% what you are feeling at the moment, and to be honest i feel like i am in the same boat at you.
    Don’t give up Di! (even though im sorta giving up…)

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January 2010
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