Cry me a river

So I committed the ultimate no-no at work today. I cried. Sigh. Yes, I cried at work today. Ok, so it wasn’t a sob fest or bawling my eyes out hullaballoo, more like shiny eyes tears threatening to overspill situation. BUT , I was  still highly embarrassed, as in, kill me now, I may as well just quit now embarrassed.

Just one colleague saw me teary eyed, and I’m glad it was him. In all honesty, I probably wouldn’t have cried if he didn’t ask me ever so gently whether I was ok. You know how when you’re on the verge on tears and  trying to keep your emotions in check while muttering ‘zen zen zen’ under your breath (or is that just me?)? Just when you’re calming down, some Samaritan will come and give you a hug or say in the kindest tone ‘are you alright?’ and BOOM, tears overflow situation.

That was me today. (T__________T)

Friends who know me know that I’m a crybaby, I cry at all sad movies, I even cry at happy movies with one tiny sad scene (which for some reason other people don’t find sad, heartless creatures). But my rule is, I never ever cry at work. To me, that’s a sign of weakness and unprofessional, but I don’t know what happened today, maybe I’ve been bottling in up, I thought I was cruising and battling those engulfing waves, but apparently I was not.

It was one wave after another but at least it was from people I expected crap from. Then suddenly, a newcomer came on the scene and her words just incited me, I think it was more tears of shock than anger. And at the end of it, I was just so angry with myself for being so unprofessional, for letting it get to me. To my defence, I did walk away from the conversation (or should I say hammering) still civil and polite. It was only back at my desk that my facade crumbled. And A sensed it all, and he came along with kind words, and was rewarded with teary eyes, poor A! I think he was speechless.

At the end of the day, my manager and other colleagues were incensed on my behalf which was touching. But A was the champion, he brought me out for coffee, to a special coffee place in fact and gave me a pep talk and lots of encouragement. I think when I see him tomorrow I will be shy, very very very shy.

I’m not out of the woods yet. I sense that the next few days will be very tense and am already prepared for the storms to come. But I also know that I have the support of my good worksmates like A, and that means a lot.

No more tears. This is the last time that I’m allowed weakness at work, I have more grit than that!

Perhaps my emotions were poured into my cooking today. This spicy, sweet and sour pineapple chicken was really quite spicy.

Mixed together with savoy cabbage strips and sweet corn kernels, it’s my lunch bento tomorrow. I can’t believe it’s already Friday tomorrow, I’ve been dodging balls from all corners that time just flew past. If anything, I think I’m stronger today and will be even better tomorrow.


8 Responses to “Cry me a river”

  1. 1 rita :) June 6, 2009 at 6:33 pm

    aw, di. i’m sorry you were feeling the blues at work. it happens sometimes, when there’s too much going on. i’ve been there. i have the same ethics about personal emotions. i know, it’s embarassing. but remember, we’re only human. as they say, “this too, shall pass.” what won’t kill you will only make you stronger. take a deep breath. hang in there. sending my virtual hugs to you 🙂

  2. 2 rita :) June 6, 2009 at 6:35 pm

    PS: by the way, that sweet and sour chicken looks so good. the spicier the better. only, because hubby and i love spicy food. one disappointment i have here in germany… all they know is salt and pepper. tough to find the “real” peppers and spices. if you do, it’ll cost you an arm and a leg.

  3. 3 daitaoha June 7, 2009 at 4:00 am

    Hi rita,

    it’s still going to be a very tough week ahead, but I’m going to capture everything and just treat it as a learning experience, but thank you for your encouragement, it’s like a healing balm to my wounds (^___^)

    I made the sauce using chilli sauce, I think you should be able to find that in germany? It was very hot chilli paste though.

  4. 4 slappedbygunk June 13, 2009 at 8:30 pm

    Oh dear poor you. What a bitch that woman is! At least your other colleagues are supportive though. For ppl like that woman who can’t try to consider others’ feelings before letting rip with their bitterness and bile, they probably have a shitty life outside of work and need to vent. Well my views are, fuck her and a pox on her. I’d put a pox on her family also but I guess they’re probably suffering enough already having to live with someone like her. Hahaha.

    The pineapple chicken looks really good!

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